Some things bugging me

Uncertain's picture

Hmm.. I think in a way I'm a perfectionist... and it's reli getting to me coz I just can't let things go. I want everything to be at its best.. to be perfect.. argh, it's so annoying!

And argh, I think I'm too sensitive... I care too much about what others MIGHT think (although I've gotten a lot better to deal with this) and I feel bad and guilty and blame myself for things that might not even be my responsibility. Even though I know I do it, I reli can't help it. That's #2.

Okay, what's next is that I get jealous too easy! I get jealous about the happy things my friends are doing (esp during this stink holidae I'm having). I mean, I feel happy and all that for them but I just can't help (agen) but feel jealous that I'm not sharing the fun. I try to force myself not to feel jealous because I tell myself it's a sign of lust and greed. Is it naturally healthy to submit to my jealous feelings? Coz it's reli hard to do anything about it in the first place.

Hmm another thing is that I get soo nervous.. I get nervous when I want to make everything so perfect. Like when talking to my friends, or to someone I like. It just sux.

Then from the nervousness to strive for perfection, I screw up and I get all sad and depressed because I'm too sensitive and jealous of everything that's ideal. Then I feel I've let myself and others down so I begin feeling lonely with a kind of emptiness and worthlessness.

I know I've been ranting here quite a bit recently.. but this is the only place people seem to connect better with me. It's the feeling that someone can understand me that motivates me... and the hope to see someone that cares making a comment. So hmm... yeah just felt like letting this out. Thx so much and I luv you pplz.

Comments

raining men's picture

Yeah..

Yeah I kinda noticed the perfectionist element about you. Obviously you're not going to achieve perfection, but I have yet to find anything about you I dislike

I'm glad you care so much about others. It's a good thing. But when you can't do anything to help - then you've got to try to disconnect from them (easier said than done)
Jealously is normal and healthy. Doing something about it (which you're not doing) isn't
I don't know about others but you haven't let me down yet kiddo.

I hope you get through the shit times Max. And rant away here all you like

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

jeff's picture

Hmm...

If you were a perfectionist, wouldn't you avoid all these Internet contractions (luv, coz, reli, etc.)?

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I'm a totaly myspace whore (and by whore, I mean I use it to sleep with people, I'm not on it often), so ADD ME AS A FRIEND (last name Walsh)

Uncertain's picture

"in a way" I'm a perfectionis

"in a way" I'm a perfectionist... not "in every way"

Edit: Okay, maybe it wasn't too clear what I was saying.. it's just that in some ways I want everything to be perfect... but it just really annoys me how I know I can't make it but still want to So I suppose I'm just pointing out all these emotional things that's been screwing with my mind x_x