I honestly can't even remember the last time I checked this site,
mostly because I haven't had a reason too; I guess in alot of ways it
just reminded me of how miserable most of us are.
There are so many people lost in that decadent struggle of finding love,
becoming nearly obessed with the thought of having someone to hold and kiss,
to touch and maybe more I guess. It's an intoxication that we seemingly
become drunk from before stumbling and breaking our legs..
I've begun to wonder whether it all really matters.. Whether having someone
would really just fix someone's problems. In my eyes it only seems to give
you another anti-thesus. People mean problems, being togeather means double
problems; and yet we still long for that tendril of light and love.. that
hope that this is going to be a hollywood romance, or a disney movie ending
where we walk off into the sunset happily ever after..
What exactly IS happily ever after?
My psychiatrist has been trying to get me on some medication, mostly
because she thinks I'm seriously deppressed and fears for well, my life.
But I can't bring myself to use a bottle of carbon copy bliss, medicated
happiness even if it would help. It just seems so odd, so strange to me
that no matter what good in life there is, it's anti-thesis outweighs it
on so many levels.
I compaired how I felt to drowning, drowning in hate; and not simply
drowning, but wanting every living thing to be drowning with me - for their
lungs to be filling with fire like mine, to be consumed like sometimes I
She told me that was a warped view; but it was the truth.
Just because I'm not happy myself doesn't mean I don't understand happiness,
or that I don't want to be happy. It all boils down to the fact that
what I need to be "happy" is intangible, and what I need to be sad surrounds
me on all sides.
But I guess that's just my understanding.
Sadness aside, I think I'm doing okay. It's nice to see Oasis is still
around. I hope it's still helping people..