Lately I have been having this rage about liking girls...I just so do NOT want to be a lesbian!!! Pretty much everyone else on here seems like they're okay with it and they get to accepting it after something like 1 or 2 years...Its been 4 years since I really realized it and pretty much my whole life of being worried that people would think that I liked girls because of the way I acted. Are other people feeling the same way as me and having as hard of a time as I am?? Or is it just that I'm stuck in my own little world in my way of thinking and it just SEEMS like a normal person would have accepted it by now if they had been suspicious of it in themselves and trying to repress it since they were in elementary school and had fully realized it for 4 years now?
I've been thinking lately that being out would make EVERYONE treat me VERY differently. I've been testing lately just by acting more like what is natural for me, and they don't take it well. It seems like they would only be okay with it if I kept on hiding it even after telling them. This, and many more thoughts like this, are making me super paranoid about my image. I think people suspect I'm gay because of the way I act and dress and stuff and I just keep wanting to fight my instincts and try to be straighter. The "rules" for coming out are to be comfortable and accept yourself first, right? Well, I am so far from accepting any part of myself that it feels like it will never be "right" for me to come out. I seriously need to work on my self-esteem and my self-image! Anyone have any ideas as to how I would go about doing that?
...I've also noticed that I get very worked up whenever I write a post that I end up not posting a lot of the stuff that I type out. And they all seem to turn into negative rants even if I want to be postive. So I'm very sorry that all I do is whine and complain on here but I have no where else to do it.... I really don't know what I'd do without this place! Plus it makes me feel special when people reply, hee hee!