Lately I've felt trapped inside.
I feel as if I cannot tell my friends or family anything about me.
First, my family doesn't know about my sexuality because they're all ignorant conservative Christians who seem to think that being gay is one of the worst things you can be. Better off dead than gay
Second, my friends get pissed at me whenever I bring up my sexuality because they are uncomfortable with it. Some of my friends are really cool about it, but I don't hang out with them that often.
Essentially, I have nobody to talk to about the way I feel.
Occasionally, thoughts of suicide pierce my otherwise "normal" thoughts. I quickly shake them off, knowing them to be stupid, irrational and selfish, but the thoughts pop up all the same. When those thoughts pop up it's always when I'm feeling depressed or something, and it always comes in the form of an escape route.
"If this happens I could always kill myself."
I know that these thoughts are unhealthy and I should seek a counselor or something, but my parents refuse to get me a counselor unless I tell them what's wrong. I know I can't do that.
I just don't know what to do... I need help but I can't specify to anyone right now why I need it without outing myself...