Ugh...

underdarkness's picture

Lately I've felt trapped inside.

I feel as if I cannot tell my friends or family anything about me.
First, my family doesn't know about my sexuality because they're all ignorant conservative Christians who seem to think that being gay is one of the worst things you can be. Better off dead than gay
.
Second, my friends get pissed at me whenever I bring up my sexuality because they are uncomfortable with it. Some of my friends are really cool about it, but I don't hang out with them that often.

Essentially, I have nobody to talk to about the way I feel.

Occasionally, thoughts of suicide pierce my otherwise "normal" thoughts. I quickly shake them off, knowing them to be stupid, irrational and selfish, but the thoughts pop up all the same. When those thoughts pop up it's always when I'm feeling depressed or something, and it always comes in the form of an escape route.
"If this happens I could always kill myself."

I know that these thoughts are unhealthy and I should seek a counselor or something, but my parents refuse to get me a counselor unless I tell them what's wrong. I know I can't do that.

I just don't know what to do... I need help but I can't specify to anyone right now why I need it without outing myself...

Comments

Sway's picture

I completely understand you.

I completely understand you.
I've always felt like this too. Suicidal thoughts are a good / bad friend whenever I'm depressed.

Oh, my parents are like that too. Especially my father. "It's sick and twisted and I could never love a person like that". He thinks we're like, criminals or sth.

I just want somebody listening to what I say...

Sunny Rays's picture

Well. At least you have us to

Well. At least you have us to talk to. That's something. I hope that both of your parents come around. If not then that is really too bad for them because they're missing out on knowing a lot of great people, including their offspring. I wish you the best of luck.

Indifference is the strongest force in the universe. It makes everything it touches meaningless. Love and hate don't stand a chance against it.

msquared's picture

Hmmm

Maybe you could talk with your friends who are cool about it and hang out with them more?

"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible." T.E. Lawrence

RainbowCommie's picture

Don't tell them everything, then.

All they need to know is that you're feeling depressed and have suicidal thoughts. That should be enough for them to take you to a therapist.

Change is the only constant.
Even if you win the race, you're still a rat.
Workers of the world unite: you have nothing but your chains to lose, and you have a world to win.
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