I should be so happy today,but I'm not,I just feel sad.I finally got the college course I wanted.But instead
of offering me a congratulations,a well done,or even an I'm happy for you,my mother is just giving me
the silent treatment again and I don't know why.Everyone else is so happy for me but she doesn't seem to
care,and it hurts so much.
She always does this at special events.She ruined my sisters graduation,and lots of other special events
in the past.I know that I shouldn't let this get to me but it really does.I don't know why I look for her
acceptance or support anymore because it just makes me miserable,but I can't seem to help myself,and it is
affecting how I live my life.It feels like I am constantly scared to do anything for fear of how she will
react,but no matter what I do it is never enough.I should be out at a party right now,but I was too upset
to go,I just felt I couldn't face people.
I suffer badly from depression to the point I almost took my own life and she knows this yet still treats me
like this and does things to fuck with my head.My sister says she does it to keep a grip and control me
which I know is true.But still I look for her love and support and feel so much pain everytime its not there
for me.I know I am letting my life slip by because of this situation and that makes me feel even worse.
Sometimes I think I hate her but I know I don't because she is my mother,I just don't like her.
Ah well I feel a little better letting my feelings out here.