i haven't written in a really long time (as you may have guessed from the title) i've been working at a residential summer camp, where i could rarely get online, let alone get online to post at my little gay-site, which i doubt would've been welcome at camp. anyway, lots of things have been going on. for one, i had a major crush on one of the other counselors at camp, but more recently, something somewhat big happened today.
up until now, no one in my family has questioned the fact that i'm 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend. i think they all attributed it to the fact that i'm fairly socially inept. however, today my mom started pressing the ussue. i tried to joke it off, but she kept insisting. 'you should go out just for fun sometime' 'you have been talking to boys, right?' wrong, no i haven't, i'm gay. i can't just say that however, since i can't even imagine the horror that would go on among my family if i did. luckily, i don't think she's jumped to 'my daughter is a lesbian' just yet. normal families probably would, however mine is far from normal. i can tell that she's been thinking more heavily on the subject though, and will probably end up with some conculsion along the lines of me having some mental problem or another (as she's done many times before over various issues) and try to get me to go for therapy. i'm just extremely worried that she'll put 2 and 2 together and start questioning over the gay thing. i'm definately not ready to come out to the family, especially since when she finds out, she'll start trying to make me come out to my dad, which would be really bad. i shouldn't let it stress me so much, there's nothing i can do for now but wait, but it sucks not having someone to talk to about it all. i can't believe i haven't come out to anyone yet. i really meant to come out to my best friend, but something keeps holding me back. sister's at the door... more later.