haven't written in a really long time

sugarmagnolia's picture

i haven't written in a really long time (as you may have guessed from the title) i've been working at a residential summer camp, where i could rarely get online, let alone get online to post at my little gay-site, which i doubt would've been welcome at camp. anyway, lots of things have been going on. for one, i had a major crush on one of the other counselors at camp, but more recently, something somewhat big happened today.

up until now, no one in my family has questioned the fact that i'm 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend. i think they all attributed it to the fact that i'm fairly socially inept. however, today my mom started pressing the ussue. i tried to joke it off, but she kept insisting. 'you should go out just for fun sometime' 'you have been talking to boys, right?' wrong, no i haven't, i'm gay. i can't just say that however, since i can't even imagine the horror that would go on among my family if i did. luckily, i don't think she's jumped to 'my daughter is a lesbian' just yet. normal families probably would, however mine is far from normal. i can tell that she's been thinking more heavily on the subject though, and will probably end up with some conculsion along the lines of me having some mental problem or another (as she's done many times before over various issues) and try to get me to go for therapy. i'm just extremely worried that she'll put 2 and 2 together and start questioning over the gay thing. i'm definately not ready to come out to the family, especially since when she finds out, she'll start trying to make me come out to my dad, which would be really bad. i shouldn't let it stress me so much, there's nothing i can do for now but wait, but it sucks not having someone to talk to about it all. i can't believe i haven't come out to anyone yet. i really meant to come out to my best friend, but something keeps holding me back. sister's at the door... more later.

Comments

The Engine Driver@drupal.org's picture

I'm not commenting so much on

I'm not commenting so much on your journal as on your login name. You are, apparently, a Dead Head. Do you trade shows? If so, give me a PM sometime, as I love the Grateful Dead (and many simular bands).

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Felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas

the ghost's picture

Hi

I kind of feel the same as you do about the whole coming out thing,I keep almost telling my friends but then somthing stops me,its like its on the tip of my tongue and then I can't do it.Sorry I don't have anything constructive to say.Just thought I'd comment to say I know that feeling.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

icameherealone's picture

In a way..

it sounds like it would be easier now because your away at school. It would be alot worse if you lived with um.

You also might find a support system at school. But it sounds like its gonna happen sooner or later...