He Commited Suicide Because of Me

Gerardo's picture

So, I just got a message on myspace.

I used to go to this webcam site called Stickam. There you could get on cam, and people could come and view your camera. Well, I attracted alot of GLBT people, and one of them was Jonas. Jonas was a 14 year-old bisexual from Brussels, Belgium. His old boyfriend had died in an accident with a motorbike. He new a fair amount of English, and we were able to communicate flawlessly. We talked alot, until we escalated our relationship a bit. We were making plans to visit each other, but I didn't feel into the relationship; I didn't really like him. I began to drift from him, and he began to be more clingy. I ended the relationship. We soon got into a fight, where I just yelled at him, telling him to leave me alone and that he's suffocating me. He emailed me a few times saying he was sorry, but nothing changed. 3 months later...

The message says that he has commited suicide, and that it had to do with me from his brother. I never thought it'd happen. The boy had cared as much about me as he said. It was hard for me to believe, but what kind of creep would lie about that? And, you know what? I don't feel phased by it. He thought about me, before he killed himself. I just hope he didn't feel pain. I hope he lived a good life. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to feel? Mad? No. Angry? No. Sad? No. I feel like I did before I read it. Does that make me sadistic? I don't fucking know. I just want to live, why does he have to go and kill himself over me? How the fuck was I that important? SO THAT HE HAD TO FUCKING KILL HIMSELF?

Anonymous's picture

Dont blame yourself, there we

Dont blame yourself, there were prolly plenty of other things on his plate. I lost my cousin last spring and it still bugs me cuz i missed his hints... but hes gone now and there isnt much I can do. There isnt alot you can do other than reconsile for yourself. And dont let anyone else blame you for the tradgedy. Be strong if you want to talk you can catch me on yahoo at imunalia(at)yahoo.ca, or on msn at jeffmichaud_(at)hotmail.com

===========

"Secrecy is the art of hiding unbeknownst information from people." ~ Ilpalazzo

 /\_/\
( >.< )  It hurts!!
 ) O (

jomari_15's picture

...

dude theres like lots of crazy people in the world if he cumit suicide, well thats is his problem, not yours...but maybe he dirint, how the F some one comet suicide for a person they dont even know, maybe he send u that message to se what u say or how woud u reackt, beleve me there like really sick mental people in the world and spetualy in the internet...

++++++++++++++++++++++
~~i wish i had magic~~
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

jomari_15's picture

.......

adam woud u comit suicide for me, hahahah lol ?????

++++++++++++++++++++++
~~i wish i had magic~~
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Adam A's picture

*cries*

*cries*

jeff's picture

That sucks...

Really.. on some level, you can't control what happens to people.

I mean, running this site for a decade, statistically alone, there are probably dozens if not hundreds of people who have killed themseves after visiting here, etc., but you can't really look at things that way. If your honesty forced him to that drastic place, it's out of your hands, really. Just need to send good energy his way, wherever he is, and move on...

---
I'm a total myspace whore (and by whore, I mean I use it to sleep with people, I'm not on it often), so ADD ME AS A FRIEND

Dim's picture

You're not to blame

The same thing happened to a friend of mine. She had this online thing with a guy, which she ended after a couple of weeks because it was getting tedious. The guy totally freaked out, and after talking some more with her online, understanding that they would never be together, he ended his life with a chainsaw. (I know it sounds over the top.. but this actually happened.)

No one ever knew, since Norwegian journalists are prohibited from reporting suicides.

It can be difficult to comprehend and come to terms with at first, but you seem to understand quite a great deal already. It's not your fault; the guy most probably had a lot of problems before he ever stumbled across you, and it sounds like something was bound to send him over the edge. That he couldn't handle getting dumped by some one he'd never even met, is just how things turn out sometimes.

raining men's picture

Nope

No you ain't to blame in the slightest. People kill themselves for many reasons. Yes you may have been a factor so were hundreds of other people. You didn't mean to do it. You ended a relationship as a ny person would have done
You ain't sadistic. You simply accept what happens. You wanted him to have had a good time, which is what you should be thinking.
Sorry about the shitty times man. Tragically, it happened

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

oldfoxbob's picture

People do that

I dont know why but there is nothing you could do about it.
Once a person is bent on killing themselves only professional
help can do anything and even those fail 50 perceont of the time./
You had a good time with him at some point and that is what you need to remember. Never blame yourself nor look for blame in yourself...you will no find it....
Take care.
oldfoxbob.
Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense.