I'm not dead!!!!

scandalboy's picture

Hey everyone, how are we all? i'm back after 2 months! not much has been happening, except i've been really sick with the flu, but now i'm better and i have all my energy back! Ok let me start by saying that i'm sorry that all my previous posts have been about mike, but it's just he's such a large part of my life, that i have
no where else to get my feelings out about him.

So anyway, one of my best friends is gay. but i haven't asked him, i found out from a few people, and honestly, it's no big surprise. secondly i'm not going to tell him that i'm gay. i'm scared that once i tell someone it's all going to become real. i'm much happier in my ambiguous state of mind/body. i want to be able to put an arm around a friend without them going, "he's gay, he must be hitting on me". It scares the shit out of me.

Mike and i have become so close! both physically and in our friendship. it was so funny, yesterday the school band i'm in (well one of them - the stage band, which has about 7 members), went on an excursion somewhere out bush to play. well, it's really hot at the moment, and the bus was very small, so we took our blazers off. on the bus ride home, mike sat next to me, and because we were cramped on the minibus, he was lying on me, and i had my arms around him. at one stage he said "this is awkward because i'm not awkward doing this"!!!! we then talked about "brokeback mountain and how good a movie it is, and about the "violent man sex". we were quoting and he said that health took jake "to town". god he's awesome! can you guys see why i like him so much? you know, even if we're never lovers, i'm glad that we're close friends.

Comments

Sway's picture

I know what you mean ("he's g

I know what you mean ("he's gay, he must be hitting on me"). I fear that too, cause I'm really close with all my friends, I mean we hug and kiss (cheeks) etc, I don't have "dude" friendships.

Mike seems a bit gay, if you ask me. I say, go for it. (Of course, I say that all the time but I'm no better!)

-Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
-Uh, you know I meant to, and then I just got really busy.