I've finally decided to let go of the idea that me and Jamie are still good friends. We're not and we haven't been since I left the city.. which was about 4 years ago. I don't know why I let myself hang on for so long.. I guess I treasured our friendship so much that I thought it would be strong enough to last. I stepped back and realised that we have nothing now. I don't regret coming out to her, but I think she was just someone who I knew would accept me.
Well we finally caught up on Friday and it was just so lame. The conversations didn't go deeper than 'what are you doing on the weekend?' type stuff. There were silences and there was no mention of me coming out at all. I felt upset after we said our cold goodbyes but I shouldn't have been. I'm so stuck in the past it's not funny.. so I've decided to email her about how we shouldn't even try and hang out anymore. Pretty much like "breaking up" with a friend? I deleted all of the text messages from her off my phone. Yep no more reminiscing.
Saw Tim on the weekend as well, we're all affectionate and shit now.. what the hell? That's not me, I even opened up and almost talked about everything which is so not me. It was weird. Felt kinda good though having him there and he knows more about how I feel about girls and guys now. So our friendship is gettin stronger while the other one with Jamie is officially dead. Oh and I think I have a crush on a girl in my class, never said one word to her in my life though so yeah it's gonna be one of those crushes. It might just be because she gives off queer vibes? Man I gotta be givin off some sorta vibe, half my head is shaved for fucks sake! Where are all the grrls?