i ended my last entry quite suddenly, since my sister had come into the bed room... i've been gone a while since, and for some reason i'm feeling a bit better since the last time i was on this site. i think it's a combination of being able to vent my feelings to everyone online and the chocolate bar that i just ate (chocolate always makes me happy). anyway, i'm still very frustrated because i'm having a lot of trouble trying to concieve an idea of what my future might actually be like being gay. i can totally see myself living with another women, but telling my family... i don't know, keeping it secret forever would be so difficult, but telling them would be even worse. i don't know though, now that my mother has started insisting about an interest in boys (took her long enough, i guess it's just been luck this far) but i think they'll really know something's up when i finish college without expressing a single interest in the male species. i hope college will go well this fall, i need to be out there, i need somewhere to be out, the only thing will be how my former suitemates take it. oh well. still looking forward to going back. i think i'm going to try to sum up the nerve to call my best friend tonight... maybe i'll be able to get the words out then so she knows i'm gay. i don't know, i've tried so many times. oh, this is random, but i saw the moving little miss sunshine a couple days ago and it was awesome. very similar to my family, only i'd end up being the gay uncle, however that works out, only noone knows it. anyway, i'll post again later. the whole gayness thing has been building up, and is causing more and more complications in my life, so god knows i'll probably have something to talk about.