Oh the confusion!Does she know???

the ghost's picture

I'm having kind of a strange day.I'm not too sure if my friend actually knows I'm not straight,and I'm
not too sure if she is even straight and if she knows that I know that she is not straight.Wow that
was confusing to type.Well I guess I should start at the beginning of this and give some background
information on the whole thing,and if you manage to read through this ramble of confusion and have any
thoughts on the situation they are welcome.So here goes...

Basically we have been friends for a little over two years,and when we first met we just really clicked.
From the very beginning of our friendship I picked up little signs from her that she may be gay.They
were just small things like she was obsessed with the L word,and any show with lesbians really,and she
can be a little bit boyish from time to time.There were lots of other little things too.In the whole
time I know her she has never had any romantic encounters with the opposite sex,or really seemed that
interested.In the begininng she used to mention that some guy looked kind of hot but she never really
seemed too bothered.

As I got to know her better she seemed to drop her guard a little and mention some females that she
thought were attractive and she would sleep with if she had to.This was after sussing out my views
on homosexuality,and I think she had also started to notice that I myself am not straight(I think I'm
bi).She introduced me to the L word and other shows and knew I really liked them.Then I started to drop
my guard a little and drop little hints pointing to my sexuality but I have never actually told her or
anyone else outstraight.

In the last while she seems to be more and more gay,I know that is a bad expression,but I just mean
that she kind of doesn't really hold back that much from saying stuff.Like the other day she was talking
about the L word and how a particular episode is her favourite because its mostly about Shane and
she was saying,in not so many words how she loves hot sex scenes that Shane is in.Its just when she is
with me that she says this stuff,and I find I don't really hold back that much anymore when I'm talking
to her,like I can just easily say if I think a female celebrity is hot and its no big deal.
So it kind of seems that our gayness is like this unsaid thing between us.Neither of us has actually
come out.

Then today we were talking on msn and decided to get tickets for the L word convention,and it kind of
made me stop and think,because in the last while I think I have just taken it as a given that she gay
but she has never actually said so,so I'm not 100% sure she is she could just be a straight person
that really likes the L word.And I could be completely wrong.
And I am also not sure if she presumes I'm gay or bi.She knows I dated a guy for a while and she acted
really weird when I told her I was seeing him.

So I don't really know where we both stand and I don't want to ask her incase she expects me to come out
too because I don't know if I can yet.

So I think my question if you have actually read to the end of this is:Do you think she is gay?
Do you think she knows I'm not straight?


underdarkness's picture

Do I think she is gay? Not a

Do I think she is gay?
Not a clue. I'd have to meet her to really know. The only sure way to find out if she is "not straight" (as you put it) is for her to tell you. In other words, don't ask her.

Do I think she knows you're "not straight"?
Not a clue. I would say you should come out to her in confidence, but if you're not ready, don't. If you are ready, GO FOR IT! If she's straight, she's obviously really cool about gay people. Worst case scenerio, you tell her about you and she ends up being not "not straight". She'll still be your friend, I'm sure. Best case scenerio, you tell her and she tells you she's "not straight" either, which I'm sure would be totally hot for the both of you.

- One Nation, Under Darkness

ForeverEndedToday's picture

From what you told me I think

From what you told me I think she knows. I think you should come out to her just in case because i think then you can know for sure. It obviously doesnt seem like she has a problem with homosexuality so the only thing that i would worry about if i was coming out to my friend would be if i could trust her to keep it a secret. And ask her if she is gay im sure she wont have a problem answering it. Then again I dont know her so.... Good Luck though!

lie down in a field if you can
look at the night sky
oh, where does it end?
sometimes it hurts when you
care about me
but it’s going to hurt more when
they take you away from me
we have go to take cover, brother

wild-blue-yonder's picture


Well, I don't know this girl, so I can't really help you on figuring whether or not she's gay. I will say though, that from what you said she's obviously not homophobic. So I doubt she'd be offended if you asked her. And it does kind of sound like you both suspect each other... why don't you ask her? Do you feel comfortable with her knowing you're questioning? It sounds like you're good friends and I bet you'd both be more comfortable with each other once you'd cleared things up, instead of second-guessing each other all the time.

Anyway, that's just me. Let us know what you decide to do!

Drmmrgrl8's picture

I agree completely with the p

I agree completely with the person before me. And I've never heard of a straight girl being obsessed with the L word or any other show with lesbian couples. Then again, I haven't met everyone so I don't know that for sure. I'd take a chance if I were you. At the very least you guys could start being 100% honest with each other for a better friendship.

"What great things would you accomplish if you knew you could not fail?"