She Loves Me, But I Don't Love Her Anymore

Yuki Kitsune's picture

I know it's long but I really need your help....

I have a big problem. My best friend, about 2 months ago found out I was bi and that also I had a big crush on her these past 2 years. Well, a week after telling her all that, she suddenly decided she was bi too. Her sudden "realization" of her sexuality made me skeptical. I mean, all these years she has been telling me about all these guys she thought were totally hot. I had even asked her a few times before what she thought about lesbians and she replied by saying it was nasty and wrong. So now she's only checking out girls, and pays no attention to guys whatsoever. And now she's suddenly getting crushes on girls in like 1 day! I mean, someone like her suddenly having a HUGE flip like that? It makes me wonder if she's bi just because of me. But, I don't want her to suddenly change her lifestyle just because of me. About a month ago she started doing things like holding my hand, kissing me on the cheek, but before all the small things she went ahead and did something big. She decided she wanted to run before she crawled. That really made me upset. She started things off the wrong way. I mean, I haven't even had a real kiss yet. I didn't want things to be like that. And the part that makes me upset is that she said she did it to "Prove to me that she cares." She constantly does things to prove herself. But I only want her to do things just because she wants to. Not to just prove a point.

All these reasons and more have made my love for her fade away. Another reason is that guys constantly hit on her, and she just takes it. She doesn't react to them, but she doesn't stop them. I don't want a girlfriend that constantly has guys after her. (btw, she was never my girlfriend).

Well, to finally get to the point, I told her that I'm confused about my feelings. That I'm not sure who I like anymore. And then yesterday night she called and we talked about normal things. Then she started asking who I like and I said no one. I really am confused about who I like right now. But she kept on asking and asking. So I hung up on her. So then she called back and apologized saying she’s sorry she cares. I told her that I need to work this out by myself, and she went on to say that she could help. Then she went into this long monologue in tears saying that she wants to protect me from the world no matter what it be even if it’s her she went into many other things. Then she said, “I love you.

yep_im_a_stalker's picture

i was in a slightly similar s

i was in a slightly similar situation exactly a year ago. told my best friend (who i had a crush on for about....8 months at that point) that i was bi (a month later realized it was lesbian) and the next day that i liked her.

she went "i think i like you too"

we "went out" for all of august and she told me (the day before school started) that she was lying and she didnt want to hurt my feelings.

truth is her mom new i was gay and that i liked the girl and that scared the girl into becomming heavily homophobic (but jealous of the girl i liked after her), going back to god, and eventually we stopped being friends. (i still believe shes gay but she would never admit it)

(the difference is that she never liked any other girls to my knowledge and guys werent throwing themselves at her)

my advice is dont get involved with her. tell her it really messes things up and its better off this way. sometimes things like this happen because the girl in question subconsciously decides to like the coming out girl because they feel obligated to like them back. it can get really messy so try to avoid that.

***love the number 7***

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jenevieve's picture

: : b a d n e s s : :

i'm kinda in your friends position in my problem. last year my one of my best friends told me she had a crush on me (she knew i was a lesbian and she was recently bi). i was exctied and confused and so was she i guess but i told her that i loved her as a friend, nothing more. i was convinced that this crush was more of a her-wanting-to-be-like-me thing than a her-being-attracted-to-me thing.

we slept together twice during the summer. don't ask me how it happened because we weren't dating as such. the oppertunities just sortov arose and we took them. unfortunately the communication about it all was nil. we never spoke about what was going on between us or tried to figure out how we each were feeling and things just faded away and pretty much went back to normal when school started.

then a few months ago she told me she still has a crush on me and that it's stronger than any other she's had. (at this point my current girlfriend and i had been going out for about 6 or 7 months) the feelings of confusion came back tenfold - i had my girlfriend to think about. am i attracted to or in love with my best friend? am i trully in love with my girlfriend? what in the hell is going on?

to be honest thats still how things are.

my best friend is extremely jelous of my girlfriend and finds it difficult to be civil to her. my girlfriend is very clingy and i find it difficult to have time with my best friends without her being there.

i don't think that my friend and i sleeping together made much difference but my advice to you is to stay uninvolved if you're confused. someone will only get hurt in the end.

talk to your friend though. i mean really talk to her. all about how you're feeling, what she's feeling and try and figure out together whats best for you.

communication is key.



My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All these women out there praying for a man, and i'm giving them my share. - RMB

icequeen18's picture

Here we go

Okay, sounds like she's trying
to help you out, but things
aren't always what they seem and
we all know that. For one
thing, hanging up on her instead
of just solving the problem
is not a good thing to do.
If she has been your friend and/or
past crush, then you may end it
by hanging up on her.
Now, not being a critic, but
that's just what people tell
me sometimes hurts them a lot.
Okay, another thing: maybe
she had these feelings for
a while now and either
waited until she had
someone by her side so
she wasn't alone in this
decision or she really did
realize these feelings
when she saw you.
It's a good thing that
you're her "role model"
because that's just what
the situation looks like.
Explain it to her (cause
you knew that was going
to have to come) and
even if she does just apologize
and tell you the same things, at
least you get a small burden off
your shoulders.
Try calling her
and telling her you
care too but not
that way. Even if
you don't seem like
you do, it has to
be true for you 2 to
still be talking even.
So show her that.
My older sister
said she was bi, but
then just started carrying around
magazine clips of women she thought
were hot just to prove she had
those feelings. I thought
it was ridiculous because
straight people don't carry
around article clips in their
pockets to prove they're straight...
but for some reason
some people are just like
that, and I have a
feeling your friend
just wants to prove she
has those feelings maybe
to show her "wild side"
to people and be
different.That is
why she's not even
looking at the guys.
Explain this
to her if you have to.

Sorry this is sooooo long.
"Life is what happens while you are busy
making other plans."
~John Lennon

QueerItUp's picture

Well, it's pretty clear that

Well, it's pretty clear that she was either bisexual or homosexual before, and she was just compensating for he anxiety by lashing out while denying it. So, maybe you might not want to become romantic partners, but maybe some support, understanding and forgiveness might be the way to go, here.

"Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune." ~~ Avram Noam Chomsky

ForeverEndedToday's picture

Don't do it man

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
I went out with a girl for three months but I always felt like something was wrong. When I told her I had a crush on her she suddenly when into this state of being bi when she had never even thought about it before. After I broke up with her she said she knew she was straight the whole time. I hate that girl now and like yours she used to be my best friend. Save the friendship and tell her to cut it out.

poissonrouges's picture

I agree with the first

I agree with the first comment... Except my experience was different... I went out with guys for awhile bc I was in major denile about who I am... But basically I never asked any of them out, they always asked me and I felt obligated to say ok to going out w. them. The entire time it was really uncomfortable and I ended up doing things that I really really regret now(I'm actually a little disgusted at myself/self loathing etc etc).

Anyway, I think she might feel an obligation (maybe not), but time will prolly tell the truth.

I know there's "black sheep," but what about rainbow ones?