Uncertain's picture

Heyloz Oasisians.. been a little while since I had an update.. a lot of things happened actually~ I just felt like updating it - I'll condense it as much as I can to try and keep it short.

Okay, well on the academic side of things... I did pretty good~ A while ago I got awarded academic honours in our year which I can use to prove to my parents in Taiwan that I've been doing well at school. And even on top of that, our school team (with me in it :D) came top in this middle school maths competition with the whole Auckland competing. Muwaha, I'm on the newspaper now but I look stuffed up in the photo x_x. Okay okay I'm gona stop bragging now otherwise I'm gona sound too up myself.

So so, on the health side of things.. I've been feeling a bit low at times. I think I've got myself into a habit of drinking too much V. I think I have to stop before it REALLY becomes a real habit. Yeah.. and I got these pimples startin to pop up on my face... Arghghgh burn!!

Hm yeah so that's that... as with things in relating to my sexuality.. quite a bit of stuff happened actually (and I won't attempt to say it all.. or you guys will get bored to death). I finally formally officially came out to my sister. My friend told me it would suck for my sister to be the last person to know when like my school year knows already. My sister said it's no big deal... and she said she'll side with me when it comes to coming out to my parents. I never knew my sister could understand so well... I also talked to her about some of my problems... so yeah I'm glad now I can have her to talk to when I feel low.

Mm yeah, and another of my friends came out bi. She's the only person at my school who I know that is also queer. So yeah, haha I guess I'm not so left out now.

Oh, and I went out with Julia, Cynthia and Jas yesterday to buy some prezzies for my friends. I'm like spending SO MUCH money lately. x_X It's like the birthday season coming up... lol there are three birthday's next week (Vic's, my sister's, and Edward's) and three more bdaes coming within two months with presents I have to buy. (Tyler's, Erica's and Ellen's). I dno if I'll have enuff money lol.. gota start saving up

And now time for some ranting... I DIDN'T PRACTISE PIANO!! I'm so screwed!! I think I spend too much time outside... arhghghg I reli need to find the balance somewhere... Let's see, well I have badminton practise monday (With all these practises I get home at 7 and then have dinner straight after), soccer practise tuesday, badminton game wednesday, maths tutoring thursday (I can practise this day), dance group on friday (get home at like 11), soccer game on saturday morning and probably going out in the afternoon (which means sometimes when I get back it'll be too late to practise piano - my homestay gets pissed off when I practise after dinner). And then on Sundae (today) I have swimming in the morning (I'm going in like an hour) and then when I get back it's time to get told off by my piano teacher!! Meh this reli sux~ :(

Anyways yeah that's that... I went to this Chinese Performance show two weeks ago. It's awesome to hang out with another group of friends after I devoted so much time into socialising with Julie, Tyler, Ellen and the others. Apparently all my friends there are girls... and I'm just like the only guy amidst of lyk 20 girls lol. Julia (a closer friend in that group) said to me afterwards "You're like walking around and then there's this whole bunch of girls going after you. All the guy's watching must've been so jealous"... I seriously find that really funny xD... I mean even Cynthia was like "But it (being gay) is such a waste!" That kinda annoyed me at first, but again I should take that as a compliment as well.. One of my guy friends saw me and he thought I was this massive pimp lol... Hahahha I just can't stop laughing for some reason.

Julia also told me she thinks having friends that are gay is no big deal now. She said some reli nice compliments about gay people.. but I told her she shouldn't make such a big generalisations about it. Yeah, but I'm glad I can change people's minds about GLBT people. (Like what I'm doing at school) =] She also said I'm always happy, nice and talkative lol... which is only half true because I only always "appear/act" happy, nice and talkative lol. She just hasn't seen my darkside yet :o... a side that's really scary I don't usually show and try to hide in front of people lol.

Okay more ranting about stuff that's still on my mind... There are no frickin buses going to Botany Town Center on Sunday!! I mean, it hasn't got to me that bad before.. since I usually go on Sats if I want to hang out with my friends that live near Botany. But but but, yesterday Razz asked me if I wanted to tag along on Sundae... I said I couldn't go so I felt a bit left out. And then not long after Tant was lyk asking me to go Botany too. Then I told him I can't go because of the buses. It started to annoy me because it feels like I'm kinda pushing them aside and not spending enough time with them. Then OMGOSH you know what. When I went out with Cynthia yesterday she was lyk "Oh, want to come to Botz tomorrow?"... ARHGHGHGHGH see what I mean?? And I have to repeat the same reason I gave to the other two. It's so annoying. Buses are evil! I want to learn how to drive :( Oh wel, at least I had something else organised now.. me going to city this afternoon.. I guess that ain't too bad.

THE RANTING DOES NOT END THERE... you know our little group of Tyler, Julie, Ellen and me?? Well we used to be really really close.. but now I feel our friendship if drifting apart.. I really don't know why.. I think it's because we're not being honest about whatever is on our minds. I'll go through some main things that happened.

Well, back in the days of Primary I only knew Ellen and Tyler. But they both went back to Taiwan and we lost contact. Then I met Julie later and we became really close friends. I could talk to her about anything. Then one time she invited me to go to city and by coincidence she invited Ellen too... so we re-met. At this time we were still really close, I was closer to Julie than Ellen at that time. Then Julie thought we should get to know another of her really close friend... Tyler. (At that time Tyler and I haven't came out yet). Then after a while Tyler and I came out, even though Tyler already have a boyfriend... Everything was going along fine until I felt I started falling for Tyler and that Tyler started falling for me (even tho he has a bf). I thought I could tell Julie anything so I called her and confessed my feelings for Tyler. Who would've known Tyler confessed his feelings for me to Julie the day after... So from that day on, we kind of just distanced away from each other. Maybe because we're scared of becoming too close. And it seems like both Tyler and my best friend at the time is Julie and that either one of us is telling her too much and the other is inevitably knowin too much too. So I kind of backed out a little and talked to Ellen instead... but it ended with now Tyler and Julie are like really close, so close in a way I can feel they are pushing me and Ellen aside. And now me and Ellen are really close but feels left out and we can't do anythin about it. It seems like there's slowly this division between Julie/Tyler and Ellen/Me but on the surface we still admit we're a really close group of friends (personal note-T).

I felt I didn't explain that too well, because words can't reali describe everything (and I didn't try to describe everything). But yeah, that's that... this is a friendship falling apart I want to fix... I mean, I have friendships being made, becoming stronger, but also falling apart practically everyday... but this one is different. I want this to last.. but I don't know how..

Anywayz, I realised this wasn't short at all. Oh wel. Some other stuff I might feel like talking about next time... (just need some advice.. or keepin a record) - Ignore these personal notes -- [ T, Serious, Being Repalced ][ Joey ] [ Social ] [ Dance Group ] [ Boarding ] ARghh there are some other things on my mind but I can't remember what.. blah I'll think of it later.. me going swimming now~~ Bwai peoplez


hellonwheels's picture


on coming out to your sis, that's a huge step...aas for the friends thing, I'm sure you'll be fine, they seem like understanding, nice people...unlike my friends...have fun swimming. peace.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

raining men's picture


First to the important bit...buses are indeed evil. Why are there no buses between maidnehead and high wycombe? Why?
Damn glad you came out to your sister she does sound like a good person to help
I wouldn't worry two much about your friends. All relationships drift and come back together again several times in the space of a few weeks. Then again knowing your luck there's probably some sort of love triangle forming, driving you all apart

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"