I never understood how people who were cheated on could stay with the one who cheated on them until now. Two months she tells me, my "enemy" is the girl it was with, three kisses but she felt nothing, she swore that to me, Melissa calls me, giving me many different versions as to what really happened the last one ending with her being pregnat at 16 and no idea who the father is. Sixteen and already a whore, it is sad how young these things happen now, where are the parents to stop the child? I digrese, I apologize. I do understand how it happens now. Countless persons told me I needed to leave and move on, plenty more fish in the sea. There may be fish in the sea but that is not what I want, a fish, I want her, she is not as other's are, how many people do you know who have cheated and gone and told their partner what happened, answered all questions they asked honestly?
I cannot help but feel as if a part of my soul has been ripped out and ran through a shredding machine then fed to a pitbull. I had many people of both sexes who wanted to kiss me, touch me, fuck me and yet I was able to turn them away without a second thought and when one person kisses her, she cannot pull back, nor can she do it the second and third time it happens. I feel betrayed, a year and a half and this is what I have to show for it, she cheating on me with someone whom I cannot stand. How can someone who knows me so well do something she knows would crush me? How can I still stay with her even as my suspitions that she will do it again build? I cannot lost my Yin, my other half, yet I feel that that is what needs to happen so maybe she can learn, faithfulness is part of trust and a relationship lacking in trust is only doomed to fail.
We fight now, well not so much fighting, we never fight, we discuss. Neither of us much like fighting. These discussions have become more frequent and there length grows each time. I hesitate each time I go to tell her I love her, I know I do, but I just cannot seem to tell her this, it's as if I am trying to punish her in a way that I cannot be hurt. Thinking of myself again. I want her never to talk to Melissa again, but I cannot ask that of her, they are friends after all and I have no right to tell hear who she is to talk to and who she isn't. She is sixteen, she can figure this for herself. It's strange the ways in which love works, you're brain says what you should do and yet yout heart stops to remind you of everything you two have been through. Love and I have a love/hate relationship, I love the high it gives me and hate coming down from it.
PS: For those of you who have seen previous posts made by myself, I now longer cut. I have found better, healthier ways in which to deal with my emotions.