And she took it fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn't really building up much suspense but today is her birthday and in my mind it fit and I was thinking about it earlier today and was just and am just in the right mood, not overly buoyant or too hard thinking but after the guests left from the mini-party we had and I showered and she showered and my dad was outside fixing something and my old aunt relative who's staying with us off figuring something out, I told her I had something to tell her and said maybe you should sit down and we sat on the bed a sec and she said jokingly that she might as well really sit down so she got under the covers and asked me what it was and I began to get choked up a tiny bit, and I just kissed her forehead and thought about how I could just not say anything, or lie or something. She ventured a guess that I was in trouble at school, I said no, then she asked if I had a girlfriend. I told her it started with a g but wasn't a girlfriend.
We just looked at each other and then I said it starts with a g and ends with a y, and after a pause, she never frowned or looked mad or anything once, she said 'gay?', you think you're gay? I said yes and I'm sure, and I hugged her and she asked if I felt that way about a boy in school and I said yes and she asked if he felt the same way, I said no, and she asked me how I was so sure, and I told her that I'm attracted to boys, not girls, and have been for years now. She said it could change as teenagers can and I said maybe, but I know I'm attracted to boys, and she said it doesn't change anything about how much she loves me and we hugged and then my dad came in the room and then I asked whsiper-y if she knew anyone in our family that was/is gay, since I don't, and she said yes, and I asked who, and she said she doesn't *know* but she has high suspicions.
She said we'd talk more tomorrow and my dad and her talked about some other stuff as I left and as I came in my room to start typing this she came in a few mins later/ago and hugged me and said that it's a hard road I'm going to take, but she loves me so much and it was way way easier than I thought. The girlfriend - gay thing just fit like the movie my mind sometimes makes, where it all turns out ok and I asked her if she had suspected I was gay, and she said not so much suspected, but she thought it could happen.
Tomorrow she has yoga too so it means I go off to school and we have time apart all then so to me this is just a nice way to be out to her, yay. Now I'm thinking up all the stuff to tell gal pals at school about me being gay and I'm not overjoyed or even overly happy now, just calm and glad I told her and humm :)