Out wish

SilentBlue's picture

I want to be out to people....I don't want them to care though. I just want it to be out there and accepted. I could even live with my parents and family knowing. The only reason I don't want them to know right now is because it would be a big deal to them and they would probably not just let it go. My mom would probably worry about me and want to constantly talk about it. I'm pretty sure other people are going to find out soon because I'm not monitoring myself nearly as much and I'm not caring so much if they suspect.

Too bad being gay couldn't be normal. I'm sick of tip-toeing around and censoring myself. I don't like to have very much attention and I'm worried that because its different, people will notice me more when they find out. I think I seem pretty gay (at least I can see it in me a lot) so hopefully other people kind of notice it too so its not such a surprise and then hopefully it will just be something thats just then known and not really cared about. I wish people could just find out somehow without me having to tell them.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

What I learned from studying "The Work" by Byron Katie is that arguing with reality is a dead end. Also, one of her biggest things is that you have to be honest with yourself only, because that is the only thing you control. So, if you're gay, be gay. That is all you can do. Other people get to do the same thing, so if they are meant to be anti-gay, supportive, or indifferent, that is there choice. But it is foolish to try and play both sides of the equation in your relationships, you only get to play your hand.

I think people respond to the messages you send. If people make your sexuality a big deal, it is because you send that message to them. If they think you are confused, it is often because you send that vibe, so their natural impulse as someone in your life is to help you work through your confusion.

So, if you want to be out, be out. If your mom wants to constantly talk about it, that is her perogative. Some mothers always worry, so if it isn't about sexuality, it will just be something else.

Gay is as normal as you want it to be. If you want people to know without telling them, make it easy to find out. Add it on myspace, talk about gay issues in conversation (marriage, discrimination, etc.)

Ultimately, you don't actually have to come out, just live and be fully out all the time, and eventually it will all happen in its own time.

Or you can go very easy, just send me the e-mail addresses of your friends and I'll write them a one sentence e-mail that you are gay. Wouldn't be a big deal for me at all. :-)

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I'm a total myspace whore (and by whore, I mean I use it to sleep with people, I'm not on it often), so ADD ME AS A FRIEND

SilentBlue's picture

Thanks Jeff! Reading stuff li

Thanks Jeff! Reading stuff like this really calms me down and puts things into better perspective. I don't think I'm going to come right out and tell people, but if it comes up, I won't hide it.....Except maybe still with my family. I went to a family gathering thing the other night and I decided I would actually rather THEM not knowing. But besides them, I don't really care who knows.

And thanks for the offer hehe, but I think I'll pass! That would just bring up a lot more questions than I could handle!