Really need some advice

pomegranate's picture

I'm new to this site as of about five minutes ago, though I've been visiting
for quite some time. I was scared to join because by posting on this site I will
be proclaiming to the world that I am very confused about my sexuality. Even
though none of you know me, it's still a scary thought, and it's the most public
I've ever been about my questioning. Anyways, I'll tell you how I started
questioning in the first place, and maybe you can offer some advice. Before last
summer, I only had crushes on boys-or so I thought.I never dated them though because I was too shy. I've always checked out girls
but prior to last summer I thought it was only to compare myself to them.

Then I went to camp...drumroll please...and I met this girl. She was just
so beautiful. I couldn't stop staring, and I admitted to myself this had gone
beyond comparison. I wanted to kiss her, and well, continue on from there.
Nothing happened between us, probably because having a crush on a girl scared
me shitless! Since that summer I haven't had a crush on single boy. Instead,
I've had a crush on another girl- though not as powerful as my first girl
crush. What is happening to me? Is it possible to turn into a lesbian? Why
did I only have my first crush on a girl at age seventeen? What do I do now?
I know this is really long, but if you've managed to read through it, could
you please, please, offer me some advice!

SilentBlue's picture


I started to realize that I really liked girls through always staring at them and telling myself I was just comparing...not to say that you really weren't comparing....just saying. Its possible to just be realizing your feelings for other girls now. There are some people who don't realize until much later in life. If you still like guys though, but girls too, maybe you are bisexual. Don't try to be in a rush to figure it out took me at least 5 years to finally accept it. If you try to rush figuring it out it will only make you more frustrated.

I know this doesn't really help you at all....but I still have too many questions myself to be answering with pro-skill! hehe

ForeverEndedToday's picture

Everyone realizes there sexua

Everyone realizes there sexual orientation at a different time. You could of just ignored it or there is a chance of you being bisexual and were just crushing on guys. Dont worry about it I know thats the stupidest thing to say but if you keep thinking about it constantly its gonna get to you. Just go to whatever youre attracted to and dont worry about it. One day youll wake up and realize who you are and it will be such a relief but for now do what you feel

"Who says that there's a soul?
Just let me be..."

jomari_15's picture

go with the flow........

god i stink at this but the only thing i cud say is go with the flow just look at girl if u like looking at them look at boys if u like looking at them just dont push u'r self right know i'm like pushing my self i tell everybody that i like girls only when i'm still asking a bunsh of quetion to my self and i'm only 15 years old i starded quetioning my self when i whas in 7th grade i cried like a baby cause i dirint whanted that intill i had a crush on my bff and i just to say it whas only friend thing but i started to notice it whasent so dont do like me i'm pushin my self to something cause i think i'm still confuse some times i like tu flert with guys with out knowing that i am and i whant to stop but actualy cant but i dont fill no atraction tours guys know girls god i just go crazy 4 them do just go with the flow u just starting know wheit and dont push or get sad about it is just part of life...hope i did well giving this advice beleave me i stink at this but i traid...ummm bye take care and sorry about my inglish is that i dont know how to right lol...

~~i wish i had magic~~
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starting_over's picture

smetimes you dont realize whe

smetimes you dont realize when things happen. maybe your first crush on a girl wasnt at age 17. maybe you just realized it because it hit you really hard that summer. its long kind of time trying to really figure out one's sexuality, well it was for me. but if you ever need to talk about it, i can alwas tell you about mine and maybe that will help. message me and ill give you my email and stuff.

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. -- Aristotle

ThinkGreen's picture

Everyone finds out about thei

Everyone finds out about their sexual orientation at completely different time. I knew I liked girls when I was 12 ( Im 14 ) and I know people who knew when they were 18, or 25, and even 40.
You don't have to know for sure, you have your whole life to find out.
Just do what you want to do.


The future is just a concept we use to avoid living today.

ThinkGreen's picture

Everyone finds out about thei

Everyone finds out about their sexual orientation at completely different time. I knew I liked girls when I was 12 ( Im 14 ) and I know people who knew when they were 18, or 25, and even 40.
You don't have to know for sure, you have your whole life to find out.
Just do what you want to do.
Oh and welcome.


The future is just a concept we use to avoid living today.

jeff's picture


While you are proclaiming it to the world here, we don't know who you actually are, so... not too scary.

You accepted yourself at 17. Done. Why wonder about it? You didn't turn into a lesbian, just accepted what you had been avoiding before, whether conscious or not.

As for what you do now? Pretty much the same thing you did yesterdya and the day before... live your life. Finding other gay girls would be nice, make friends, date a bit, pretty much the same thing all your peers are doing with the people who they fancy.

I'm a total myspace whore (and by whore, I mean I use it to sleep with people, I'm not on it often), so ADD ME AS A FRIEND

wild-blue-yonder's picture

long-winded advice (as usual)

apparently people come to terms with their sexuality at all different ages. It sounds like you think seventeen is too "late" for a lesbian/bi to be having the first same-sex crush. I don't think you could really call it that, because everyone's different and some people are like 40-50 something before they start thinking they're not straight. Remember the age group on Oasis won't be a good representation of ALL glbtq people in the world because it's for "queer and questioning YOUTH". You may be starting your questioning phase later than many of us on this site, but that's because the glbtq people who start their questioning phase much later than you will already be too old for this site - you know? (Not that they can't come here, they're just less likely to.)

I know it's scary realizing you might be "different than the norm". (It's one thing to choose to take a risk and be different, and another thing altogether to have no choice...) But my advice would be to try not to let your fear hinder your exploration of your feelings. Don't supress what you really feel, and be honest with yourself. There's no hurry to come out, so take your time. It's just that as you might know from reading posts here, it's very easy to lie to yourself because you're afraid of the truth ("no, of course I'm not gay, how could I be? I want to be normal! I mean, I am normal!" or "well I've already come out to everyone, so there's no turning back now, I'm gay... even though I kind of don't think I am anymore..." etc).

Well, best of luck to you, and, hey, don't be afraid of us! Thanks for the compliment, but we're really not that scary...

ThisSide's picture

It's normal

Welcome to the LGBTQ community! If you decide to stay, you'll find a welcoming family (especially among youth) that is such a blessing.

I know that you're really unsure right now, but I just want to say that it's okay. I'm seventeen and I've been a questioning/lesbian teen for two years now and I'd like to give you one of the most valuable pieces of advice that my friends gave to me, which is this: accept yourself before you start questioning implications.

She gave me the idea that sexuality is a really fluid thing: that you can go from straight to gay to bi and back again at different stages of your life, and that nothing is ever set in stone. There's something called the Kinsey Scale, where you can rate yourself from a 0 (completely straight) to a 6 (completely homosexual). You don't have to be gay OR straight, you can be a combination.

Hope this helps...I'm brand new here too--I joined because I wanted to pass on the advice my friend gave me that has helped me to accept and love myself for who I am.

Liena_Redstorm's picture

Time will tell

(laughs gently) I didn't figure out I was gay until I hit my late 45th year of life. What an eye-opener that was. My family, and two of my friends looked at me and said (basically), "It's about time".

I wonder why it seems everyone else knew before I did. Oh well.

The pressure of living was immediately wiped away. I am finally infocus with my life. - Life is still hard but I can see it much clearer. The pressure of society got worse.

No matter how hard most people proclaim they are not prejudice or even bigoted toward GLBTs, they are. My family- accepting of me- still think they have to act differently or treat me differently. I am just me when you boil everything down. The instincts (be they healthy or not) of society dictates that GLBT is wrong or at least not right. That is what your going to face- whether or not you come out.

On the other hand- the world may open up to you. Perspectives, plans, friends, everything may change- become clearer, more focused. At least that is my wish for you. Being at peace with who you are is a really wonderful thing and I believe until we are truthful with ourselves- that way of living is beyond our reach.

Be aware, have fun, enjoy, be at peace

princessgavvie's picture


Perhaps you never realized your attraction to the same gender, because up until then your hormones weren't in gear so to speak. When we reach a certain age in our lives, we develop and with that development we begin to develop certain feelings. Can anyone truly state their sexuality until they're past adolescence? That's the time when our hormones go crazy, and we start figuring... "Gee I'm a person, and I like other people." So up until that point I think we just kind of follow what society tells us to. "I'm a girl so I must like guys." I know there are exceptions to that, people who just KNOW what they are. I know it's probably scary when you think your one thing and you turn out to be another. I wish I could help more, for now my post looks like uncertain chatter...

never kick a dog, because it's just a pup, we'll fight like twenty armies, and we won't give up, so you'd better run for cover when the pup grows up!~ Les Mis

electricity's picture


let me first start off by saying that i am almost in the same position as you [maybe a few steps ahead] and if you have any questions to message me, because we're about on the same page and can probably relate on some level.
i'm new to this site as well and was really hesitant because i'm not out to the world yet. people on here may not know me, but it still felt like a big step. however, people on here have gone through the same thing and it's comforting to have people that can relate. i actually felt really good about joining and becoming active in the forums and what not. for me, since i'm talking about it with friends, family, etc yet, this is a great place to deal with crushes and stuff.

this is becoming long

next thing: i am 17 and i'm finally ready to just be certain that i am interested in girls. guys too; so... bisexual. [it's kind of hard to say and/or type it though. one step at a time, right?] i'm yet to be in a relationship in a girl and i think that will really solidify it, but having crushes on them definetely hints that "hey, i dig girls, let's not lie." i questioned at an earlier age, shut it down, questioned again, shut it down, and never really went below the surface. but in the past year or less i've been having real full-on crushes, and have just allowed them to be what they are.

you just have to be comfortable with it. easier said then done, but even though i'm not exactly out i'm living and loving life and what i like and who i am just comes with the package. just let it flow...

[sorry this took up 28337 years of your life.] good luck with everything, and remember if you have questions, we're here =]

andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture


Don't feel like you are too old. I just figured it out and I am 21! Pretty old to be on this site, but the people here seemed to be going through the same thing so much more so than on other support sites. I was homeschooled, so going away to college has been a lot more like other people's high school experiences for me. It's all a bit new.
I think I am bi, but that is mostly because I had crushes on guys before. Right now, I really don't have much attraction to guys at all, but then that sometimes happens to bi people.
I remember when I first started figuring it out, and it sounds a lot like what you described.
I was really scared. Like I didn't know who I really was, what I wanted, or (worst of all) what other people would think of me. You are not alone!
Do you have a Queer support group at school? Sometimes it's better to talk to someone in person.

I decided to take a peek in the closet.
What a suprise to find myself hiding inside!