so lost how do I find myself...

formula_truth_love's picture

I feel so lost and the fact is I don't know how I came to be lost. I don't understand much anymore I just go on with ny day wake up dress talk walk work sleep without knowing why is it I do all these things. I'm trying to find out why but I keep losing the battle I don't understand anything really I know this all sounds like some pshyco babbly but really I think i'm losing it. My mind is spinning I keep having these spur of the moment being very freaked out and crying panicking freaking out almost not knowing who I am. I always wonder why this or that I need to know why I do the things I do I'm so scared all the time.

I just don't know what to do anymore I feel as if i've lost any hope to continue fighting another day. I keep on though even though I know its pointless i'll never come to the truth. Never know whats going on never be satisfied with just living for the moment today without knowing what lifes all about I need answers that I know unfortunately is never going to be answered as long as I live. Yet i'm not going to kill myself. I can't I won't its weakness well for me not that anyone who has is weak.

I don't know i'm not trying to say anyones weak. I just don't know thats the word that comes and I can't explain really in words how I feel its all just a big mess I feel as if im losing my mind day by day. I think noone is noticing im unraveling and I'm afraid by the time they do it will be too late ill be too far gone in my mind in my confusion to get back im so scared and I don't know why so confused so lost and I try and try to know why but it never comes the reasons or answer to those feelings.

Comments

sugarmagnolia's picture

hanging in there, many people

hanging in there, many people including myself have had similar feelings to the ones you've just described. it does pass, do your best to get through it and know better days will come. everything will work out one way or another, and i eventually came to the conclusion that i don't need to know why we go through the day to day things other than that's what we have, and i might as well make the best of it, and make what we have as meaningful as possible. try volunteering, i found working with others always put things into a better perspective. is there a headstart or preschool around that you could work at? i don't know if you like kids or not, but seeing things through a child's eyes was always refreshing for me. if not, find your own thing. there are lots of ups and downs in life, you may be down now, but things will improve. hope that helped, i send virtual hugs.

"freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"

jojojo's picture

Big hug

Dear ALexis,
big hug from me. I don't know what to advise you. Is there nobody around you to whom you can talk, whom you can trust?
Try to dream (nice dreams, if you can). Can you get any good novels, or if you like poetry, poems? Or well, I remember you like music: Couldn't that help you start good dreams?
I recently read a very nice book: "Faults" by Terri de la Pena. Maybe you would also like it, and it would catch your dreams in the story of the two main characters (whose names I forgot now. But it's two women, and the book is about a love story between them.)
I don't know if that helps you. I could imagine that it would be most important for you to talk to someone. Don't be afraid to open up? What do you have to lose? Show some of your confusion and your being lost to the outside, then people can help you.

Big long hug and lots of love from me.

P.S. I am now applying to grad school in the U.S., and probably also to one or two in New Jersey... for next year...

Cleopatra's picture

i experience that too

yeah. it's like you're feeling your life pointless, and you really dont know why you do those things. i'm reading paulo coelho's 'the zahir', and it kindda talks about that. actually, i've read some coelho books already, and he always tells that we feel empty because we live up others' expectations and we slave under mundane activities. whenever i feel empty, i try to forget it (though that really doesnt work) and just draw. and i try to pray and ask for help. talking to a friend also helps; it kindda lessens the burden you're carrying. i really dont know why we feel that, and i dont even know the perfect solution to fight that. but i guess knowing ourselves more and better will somehow help us find the solution for that.

Sticks and stone can break my bones, but names won't hurt me!

the ghost's picture

.....

Hey.I've felt like that in the past,and from time to time agaim.But the important thing is that this does pass.I think as other people have mentioned as well,the best thing to do is occupy your mind with other stuff.Things you enjoy.Just live and enjoy life.If you are having a good time then you will spend less time thinking about why you are here,and other stuff that makes you feel down.Talking to someone close to you will help too.
Take care.*hugs*

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt