What is your view on polygamy?

I could do it, or I am
13% (9 votes)
I don't know what it is..
6% (4 votes)
I don't know whether I could or not!
18% (13 votes)
No way. I need one partner only thanks.
63% (45 votes)
Total votes: 71

Comments

Sarah6824's picture

I've recently been put in a s

I've recently been put in a situation when I need to figure out whether I can wrap my head around polygamy and go with it or just.. not.

A girl likes me, I like her, but she has a lovely girlfriend who is also a friend. So I didn't tell her I liked her also for a long time, because I was brought up traditionally to think that you must be monogamous and have only one partner at a time. I really didn't want to come between them!

But, this couple are poly. The girls girlfriend thinks I'm cute and has given permission for her to do whatever she likes with me.

And I'm like ":-S", basically. Because a. I'd feel guilty (but I think I'll get over that when it computes in my head that her partner actually doesn't mind).
And b. Won't I be jealous of her being with someone other than me?? I don't know!

So, just looking to find out who what Oasisans think of poly relationships, or some advice on my situation.

SilentBlue's picture

I don't think I could do it..

I don't think I could do it...I would get too jealous and probably feel bad too. I've never been in any kind of relationship, so I couldn't say for sure, but I don't think so.

For you though, I say if you're comfortable with giving it a try and everyone involved is okay with the situation then go for it 'til it goes rotten.

TeeAhr1's picture

I realize that my other post

I realize that my other post didn't really address your situation, Sarah, but it was a story I wanted to share that someone may find interesting, and yeah, I did kind of want to gush a little too :) But, more to your point...

I think it's very important to be open about expectations on all sides. What are you looking to get out of this situation? Emotional fulfillment? A low-key, no strings "friends with benefits" type of thing? One real good solid fuck? Far be it from me to say that any of those things are invalid or wrong, but I think it's pretty important to at least tentatively figure out which one it is. What are her expectations? Her girlfriend's? Are everyone's wants/needs going to be compatible? It's all fun and games til someone gets hurt ;)

Also; were you friends prior to this? If so, are you damn sure that your friendship can handle this? Lots can't.

Basically, be respectful of them, both as individuals and as a partnership (both equally important), and be respectful of yourself, your wants and needs. What do you want, what do they want, and can you all have all the things you want at the same time? If the answer's yes, then hell, sounds like a damn good deal to me.

Like Jiminy Cricket said, let your conscience be your guide...

---
TeeAhr1 (p. daniels) - Special Assistant To Mr. Wonka

Sarah6824's picture

I was primarily looking for e

I was primarily looking for emotional fulfillment which could lead to other things, I think. Yes, we have been really good friends for quite a while.
But I don't think I can do it, because she just told me she slept with another girl last night (not her gf, someone else with her gf's permission), and it upset me I'm really quite sad.
So, I guess it is time to tell her we can only be friends.

TeeAhr1's picture

(Talking out my ass for a sec

(Talking out my ass for a second...) It doesn't really sound like this girl has emotional fulfillment on the menu for you. It sounds like she's really just looking for a free bonus lay, which is fine as long as everyone's on the same page about it, but it really doesn't sound like everyone is. I'm very glad that you're being realistic about what you can and can't accept when it comes to your heart.

Be good to yourself... -pete
---
TeeAhr1 (p. daniels) - Special Assistant To Mr. Wonka

the ghost's picture

......

I don't think I could do it,but then I've never really been in the situation so I don't really know what I would do.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

TeeAhr1's picture

I think you mean polyamory

Polygamy: The practice of having more than one spouse at a time. Also called plural marraige.

Polyamory: The practice or lifestyle of being open to having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The word is often used more broadly to refer to relationships that are not sexually exclusive...(see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory for more, it's a great article)

Anyways. I'm glad you brought this up, because I've been thinking about the topic a lot lately. I am presently involved in a wonderful, deeply weird, totally fulfilling polyamorous relationship with two fantastic women.

My two friends (whom we'll call Jenny and Amy, not their real names) are the "primary" or "original" couple. We've been friends for some time, and I've always had a little crush on both of them, Jenny in particular. They were always very open about the fact that they were not monogamous, and, honestly, they were the only relationship I've ever seen "work" long-term like that. (I've seen a lot of people try.)

Anyway, Jenny spent the weekend at my house in May, and we got pretty drunk, and fooled around some, and it was pretty excellent. We were talking later in the evening, and she told me that Amy (her girlfriend, remember? keep up...) had never had sex with a guy before, and that they were looking for someone who'd be into it that they could trust. 80% jokingly, I volunteered for the...uh...position (no pun intended). You know how it is, when you're serious, but you don't know how it would be received, so you play it as a joke? That kind of thing.

And so it came to pass, that the three of us had sex. And it was dynamite. And I thought that would be that, and that would have been fine, you know? But we ended up getting more than any of us bargained for.

We spent pretty much that whole first weekend in bed. Yes, lots of that too, but mostly just... just laying around. Cuddling. Sleeping. Talking. Being together. That first weekend was a revelation to me. I felt like I had been let into a secret world. Like I was seeing the two of them the way they see each other, with the same love.

That was June. The last four months have been... indescribably amazing. We've never actually sat down and said "well, I guess this is a relationship," but we don't have to. There's no possession involved, none of us need that. It's just love for love's sake. Every step we take is another step into uncharted territory. We have so much fun together, there is so much love, so much energy between us. I never sleep as well as I do when I'm laying next to them.

And as soon as I get out of this damn office today, I'm throwing some shit in a bag and going to spend the weekend with my girls. It's been a big, lonely bed these last couple weeks ;)

Thanks for letting me share this with you.

---
TeeAhr1 (p. daniels), K.S.C. - Supra-Pope, Co-Conspirator of the Prairie Mafia Cabal (a non-prophet organization) and associated farm clubs

unslept_soul's picture

Slippery slope theory

One of the main reasons gay marriage is so openly protested is b/c people feel it will open the door to polygamy, beastuality and inbreeding. I think polygamy is wrong b/c you never stay true to one person. I mean if you can marry multiple people whats the point of marrying at all. you never get that closeness to one person.

We all must learn that there is never acceptance for anyone because the world will never like you.

TeeAhr1's picture

Re: "slippery slope"

One of the main reasons gay marriage is so openly protested is b/c people feel it will open the door to polygamy, beastuality and inbreeding. I think polygamy is wrong b/c you never stay true to one person. I mean if you can marry multiple people whats the point of marrying at all. you never get that closeness to one person.

I respectfully disagree with this, and refer you to my previous comment. Polyamory is not the same thing as cheating, swapping, or sleeping around. Polyamory is a loving, multi-dimensional relationship between more than two people. I think it would be fair to say that some people should not try it; that's not a judgement on anyone, I'm just saying that different relationship structures work for different people.

We all must learn that there is never acceptance for anyone because the world will never like you.

I don't understand what you're trying to say. Can you rephrase it?

(As a side note, I think the "slippery slope" that you refer to, and conservatives do love to beat to death, is utter bullshit.)
---
TeeAhr1 (p. daniels) - Special Assistant To Mr. Wonka

unslept_soul's picture

tis true that conservatives are assholes

but what happens in a relationship w/ more than 2 people is that two of the participants start keeping secrets together from the third and the whole gossip thing goes down(if we refer to a relationship of 3). Personally i dont wanna have a polygamist relationship...been there, done that got the scars to prove it.
We all must learn that there is never acceptance for anyone because the world will never like you.---->tis a quote by my Sister. She was trying to tell me that it doesnt matter what i do for the rest of the world, i wont get accepted ,a dn she basically told me to stop trying to be accepted and just be me.

raining men's picture

Hmmmm...

It doesn't appeal but I can't really think of a reason why...

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

black_sheep's picture

Whatever

I personally don't think I could. I don't care what you do with your romantic lives really. It really has to do with what you think love is. Is there only one person out there or multiple? Does love exist out of human biology (I mean is it really a spirtual thing)? The answers to these questions vary on the person you ask.

"The mainstream comes to you, but you have to go to the underground." -Frank Zappa
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." - Dalai Lama

Shenlong the Arcane's picture

I tried it, and thought how h

I tried it, and thought how horrible of a person I am, if I truly loved them then I would be with only them. So I broke it off with everyone in the relatonship and now I've got only ONE partner, and I'm the happiest person on this earth.

QuakerOats's picture

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

I'm not polyamorous, it would so not work for me, but I know some people who are happy with it :)

miss-understood's picture

...

That's just not me. I only need the girl i have now, and forever, nobody else!

Adam A's picture

the more the merrier! no i'm

the more the merrier! no i'm just kidding, i don't know about polygamy, personally, maybe i'm greedy or whatever but i don't want ot share, and i know i'd feel bad if i was dating more than one person simultaneously, but i mean, it works for some couples, just...yeh not for me

raining men's picture

Remember

I can't remember who used to have this oscar wilde quote as their signature but it really is appropiate:

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same"

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

Adam A's picture

so

so....would this be a bad time to ask you to marry me??

CaliDude's picture

I am against it, mostly since

I am against it, mostly since I would hate to share, and then you have to deal with who is the favoriate partner, since of course there will be favoriatism. Also though, just seeing how the whole polygamy situation goes with those weird fundalmental Mormon's in Arizona or something like that, it doesn't seem right. So I am against it.