I've been feeling so unexpectant of the future lately...or even of a future. I have always said that I swear I'm going to die young. I just have this feeling, its weird, I can't imagine me living in like 20 years. I just don't see it happening. I'm not going to kill myself or be reckless or anything.....I'm just going to die in a freak accident or something of the sort. Its good to feel like this though, makes me not worry so much about things. Someone else has said she has a feeling shes going to die young too. It seems really strange to be thinking that.
I've been hanging out with my friends and just going out in general way more since not being in school. I feel like I actually have a little bit of a life now. I'm being pretty open about being gay too. I'm not coming right out and telling people, but I pretty much just let myself act the way I want to act now (which is pretty gay) and I say things without monitoring myself so much..... I'm always worried when I feel this good. It seems like as soon as I let out a sigh and say "Life is finally getting livable" something creeps up on me and puts me right back where I started. Its all in my frame of mind, but I don't know how to stop the depression stuff from getting me. I'm doing really good right now though! Keeping busy, hanging with friends, having fun....its all good!