How Do You Know If He's Gay??

Ragnarok-Lover's picture

Okies.. Im A Freshman. 9th Grade. The First Day Of School In My 3rd Period, It Was Normal. My Friends Sat Around Me, And There Was This One Kid I DIdnt Know Sat In Front Of Me. At First I Saw Him, And Labeled Him As A Skater Dude. But After The 3rd Day, I Got A Better Glimsp Of His Face - And It Was Love At First Sight -Seriously. Im Viet So They Put Me In Advanced Classess, Which I Am Failing. But I Wanted To be By Him, So I Stayed - Im Failing. First I Wanted To Know If He Was Gay. So I Started Staring At Him. I Made It noticable Too. I Figured If He Told Me To Stop Staring Or Question Me, He Wouldn't Be Gay. Turns Out, I STILL Stare At Him And He Say's Nothing. He Stares back For A Few Moments And Looks Away. I Figured He MUST Be Gay. But He Seems To Be Intresting In This Girl Who Seriously Is A SLUT. (Showing Off her Boobs And Such) So I TRIED To Back Off... But In The Hallways, The Only Person I Ever Saw, Was HIM. I Guess Its Selective Vision Or Something. But He Doesn't Seem Gay. I Heard He's Just "Shy". I Rode A Diffrent Bus... But Something Hapened And My Bus Number Changed- So I Rode Another Bus... DYLANS BUS. So I Started Thinking That God Did It, And Hes My Soulmate. (Corny I Know) Then Today I Asked The Administrater For My Bus # And He Pops Up Beside Me And Asked Me What Our Bus Number Was. Im About To Tell Him And He Runs Off With His REAL Friends And leaves Me There. As If Im Like Nothing. Yea, Ive Even Cried For Him. But I Dont Know What To Do.... IF I Dont Get My Classess Changed Im Gonna Fail Highschool, But I Cant Bear To Be Whithout Him. I Dunoo ~ I Think I Love Him. But Its SO Complicated. He Acts Straight, But Occasionally He Does Act Kinda Gay. But I Dont kNow. Im So Confused And Tired, From The First Person I Ever Loved. My Best Friend Has Another Friend, And When Dylan Walked By, She Goes "Damn he Is So Hot" And I Felt Like Ripping her Vocal Cord. I Guess You can Call Us friends.... But He Doesnt Talk Much.... So, Im Sooo Traumatized. And Sometimes When I Look At Him, He Licks His Lips, And Wiggles his Eyebrows. And He tries To Sit By Me On The Bus. But UGH! I Dont Know If hes gay Or not Dammnit! And I Told Dylan - ONLY DYLAN About Ragnarok Online, And I Played it. The Next Day, HIS BEST Friend Comes Over To Me And Asked Me Who I Chose For A Charcter On Ragnarok. WTF?? Dylan Propobly Told Him About Me. T.T. And The Other Day His Best Friend Said I Sounded Like A Fag - And Dylan Say's "You Just Noticed?" So I Told Myself I hated Him But The Next Day He Asked Me Somthing... I Respond All Happy As If Nothing Happened. I Cant Hate Him.. And Today I Went To Sleep On the Bus Home, And I Heard His best Frind Saying " Yea He Stares At Him All The Time" And I Dont Know If hes talking ABout Me, And Im Going CRAZY!!! So? Do You Guys think Hes Gay? No? Yes?

Panic Motion's picture

I admire your coordination.

First off, whether or not he's gay, you should get into the classes you want.

Just from what you typed, I'd say he was gay. But it's so hard to tell these days. But even if he is, do you think he's prepared to deal with high school and gayness?

Disney's picture

To me it honestly sounds like

To me it honestly sounds like he's messing with you :( There's lots of guys in high school who may not be anti-gay or be totally fine with gay people but are straight, but'll act a little gay for jokes or to make fun of someone they think is. If he did the eyebrow wiggle and later on responded that way about the fag thing to me it sounds like he's just yanking your chain and he and his friends may joke about it. Or he's probably bisexual, will realize it in gr 11 and for now just wants to stick with his old friends.

Get your courses fixed asap though!!!!!!!! No boy is worth failing/doing really really bad in high school! If you're ok with being out or already are then I'd consider blurting something like 'Hey Dylan... I'm gay, are you?' and see his response. At any rate, if you're in 4 courses you're doing bad in, change at LEAST 3 and just keep 1 which he is in, and try to have that towards the end of the day haha. Oh well, buck up and ya capitalization with each word isn't great, but way to use SHFIT! :)

Mrmuke360's picture

i have ben there done

i have ben there done that... he sound like he dont no wat the heck he wants and he also sounds like a jerk. i cant say weather hes gay or not because i dont know him but wat i can say is the only thing u can do is ask....

Liena_Redstorm's picture

Is he gay?

Not to be rude but trying to read your article was very difficult with every word being capitalized. Please - if your going to post especially a post requesting help- use paragraphs and proper capitalization. *smile* After all . . . your in highschool

Why not just ask him? Make sure you are in a somewhat neutral area, and he is alone! Running up to him while he has friends around and saying, "Hey Dylan? Are you by chance gay?" is probably gonna get you in trouble. Alone- he might respond yes, in which case you can go from there or he might say no (without being hostile) in which case you can go from there too.

I feel from reading your post- that the idea of tasting a forbidden fruit (not knowing if he is and hoping he is) is adding to your desire for him. I believe in soulmates! Just please, please don't mix up the feeling of desire, passion, wants with the feeling of he's a soulmate - that downfall could be really hard.

Good luck- I really hope things work out for you.

love
Liena

Blahblah blah's picture

I would say... he is

I would say... he is probably bi.. at least; it is soooo hard to tell. I am gay, but I always poke fun at gay people (I hang out with the jocks) and everyone thinks im straight... you can never tell!

Anonymous319's picture

HI

I u I completely understand, im having the same problem i dont know if he hes gay or not. I mean we talk about everything and i know more ab about him than anyone else. He seems to like me alot. He always just wants to talk to me. He always says stuff that sort of sounds like he likes me but he has a girl friend. I love him. I have loved him for about two years now and can barley stop thinking about him. I hope we can become more than friends.

Anonymous546's picture

I I I agree with the many

I I I agree with the many people who said that he's probably gay. Im not gay but this one boy looks at me up and down and then trys to LOOK for ways to like "punch me" (touch me) and it turns out he's gay and talks and used to go with a gay boy.

darkblue29's picture

same here

i hang out with this guy once in a while, and recently i've felt like the just likes being close to me. i can't tell if he's gay or not because a few weeks ago, we were watching a movie and lying in bed and he just kept getting closer to me. he actually put his head on my shoulder. i couldn't tell if he meant anything by it but it felt so good being that close to him. i've fallen in love with him, but i don't know if he feels the same way. he's pretty athletic and doesn't act gay, but he does love to shop... anyway, i know where you're coming from, it can be rough, but you'll get through it!

lil_will87902's picture

hes gay

if he put his head on ur shoulder when u was watching a movie hes gay, or atleast should be (if he isn't) and u were in bed with him, yeah i think hes gay

lil_will87902's picture

this is tough

hot guys are really irrisistable (if thats how u spell it) anyway, you shouldn't be failing, i mean like u said u see him arround. and if your like me whos not shy, just ask (i know how straight forward, but i'm like not shy at all) but yeah don't ruin ur future for on guys who you might not even like in a month. and its really early to know if you love him, and have you even talked to him??? i know that i saw a hot guy i thought i loved him too but you can't be sure so don't fall IN love with him, that wouold be bad, way too soon for that my friend.

- Will

joemondragon's picture

lol I know what you mean

lol I know what you mean about it being too early to fall in love. I've like this guy for about 6 months now, and I can't seem to get him out of my mind! Damn it, I'm too young (and closeted lol) to fall in love. I don't mind a crush or two every now and then, though ;-).

jeff's picture

You know...

... this being the internet, this post could actually be about you, and you don't even realize it, hehehe. You could be writing about one another.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

no one's picture

That would be so cool! But

That would be so cool! But then how would you ever find out?

joemondragon's picture

nope I like a guy called

Nope, my names not Dylan. though maybe if we were both using false names... *strokes chin*. lol, don't think so though. Especially after reading his post again.
1st: I wouldn't ever say someone had a gay voice. there are enough steriotypers to be worrying about.
2nd: I'm in a magnet program, but not advanced classes in that program.
3rd: He's not viet, or failing.
4th: I'll stop here you get the point.

same here's picture

I understand

I know you just can't tell. however, it's too dangerous to venture into deep waters at this point and risking it could get you hurt; I understand you think about him ALL the time and just can't see yourself with someone else. believe me, even though you won't forget him, there are others out there who might catch your eye as well. just stay buds with this guy and if you are still interested by the time you are both out of high school, then it would be safer to go there and ask.

Anonymousfingymabob's picture

im trying this thing where

im trying this thing where you admit to strangers that you're gay! So i'm gay every1 yaaaay! lol. i dont know any of you and yet i still am shakin.
Whats a ragnorak? I would say that this boy is either gay or bisexual and still coming to terms with that fact. I'd give it more time, you might forget him and see that he really wasnt right for you or he'll make the first move. Both ways i'd just say go with the flow.

Cleopatra's picture

I think he's just horsing

I think he's just horsing around, just messing up with you. It's so hard to tell if someone's gay unless you know him really well.

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. "- Lester Burnham, American Beauty

Amr Hosny's picture

i think he is gay but am not

i think he is gay but am not sure u can talk with him about any thing then
ask him if he have sex b4? with girl or ........ ( some thing like this)

Anonymoose's picture

i don't think he's gay

just as someone above said, i think he's mocking you a bit. but it doesn't sound like he's really trying to be hateful. i'm really sorry to disappoint you. i know what it's like to have feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way in return.

i realize this post is old. i just stumbled across this page. i really felt for you though and just had to reply.

Anon's picture

I am in the same sort of situation

I have been working with a guy for about 6 months now, I am still getting to know him really well. I get on with him great and chat etc...
I feel like I am in love with him though as someone else said, it is such a hard feeling, when you can't get them out of your head and want to do something about it but know you can't because of the consequences if they are not gay.
This guy I know acts gay quite a lot, but says he has a girlfriend, it is weird because as soon as I first saw him I felt something inside that was so weird.
It does for me feel like that I would never like to be with anyone else, everyone at work went to a xmas party recently and he got merry (not drunk), and there was a really camp gay guy trying to pull him, and he was loving it and kept touching him etc... But he told him he was not gay (could this be because all of his work colleagues are around?).
He always smiles at me everytime he sees me and it seems he finds the smallest of excuses to come and talk to me in the daytime, and also at the xmas party he kept hugging me and touching me, I saw this as a good sign but because my colleagues were there, I obviously did nothing. He is always pretending to kiss guys and cuddling boys. I really need to find out as I can hardly sleep at night because of it.
Any suggestions on my situation please?

aglet's picture

reply to I'm in the same situation

Judging by your last paragraph, he really wants you. But like you, he's afraid to come out (to you). But by his actions, he's showing you alot of affection and it's clear to me that you both want exactly the same thing.

I think you should JUST DO IT! Maybe invive him out for coffee after work or something, and when you're alone with him, tell him how you feel. I know it's hard, but he's giving you really clear signs so just go with it. I feel your success is guaranteed.

Anonymous2323's picture

I am like going thoriugh

I am like going thoriugh exactly the same thing at the moment. I don't want to get jealous of him looking at girls because he might be straight but I still do. The worst thing is that I live in this really horrible closed minded place and I acn't just ask him as if he is not he would tell everyone and I seriously would kill myself!
Please! Life or death situatan here!

1stTeeka's picture

switch

switch your classes first of all if you haven't already, and you could leave a note for him, but then he might tell other people. it also depends if your willing to be openly gay in school because if it turns out he isnt gay then you might get outed. another solution is...
to jump him in the halls and kiss him and if he pushes away then he's straight and if he goes with it then you win XD

**Far from a saint, not quite a sinner**

NOt SAying's picture

omg

omg i go through the same thing... and to tell you the truth he is str8 butttt..... he is gay also.. he plays that role of the "STR8" ppl but deep down he knows that he is gay and that he is attracted to other boys... I know this because the boy i was crushing on i put him through so many test and like he so failed them. lol... i made a myspace page (sercert) and messaged him as a gay boi and he really aint get mad like all the other boys i messaged from my skool.. and next thing you know before the end of the year i put bi on mah page and one night when we hung out and erryone went home and it was just me and him he asked me if i was gay or bi.. and i told him bi and thats when he told me >>>> that he thought about it but never did anything so now in class we be having these long stares and messing around like playing tho.. liek i would tkae something of his so he could just touch me and we be like touching hands for a while then the songs he like is a liddle gay like "fergie's CLUMPSY" yeah pretty gay LMAo so i think that boi DYLAN is a UNDERCOVER bisexual/gay person get em just keep doing what you do ...

shadow fire's picture

Here's what my friend did.

There was this guy from my bio class who was cute and shy and I had a bit of a crush on him. I asked my friend Serena to help me figure out, so while Serena (his name is Keith) Keith and another friend Jessica we were all in the library, and Serena is random sometimes, so she starts acting sort of hyper/random/cute, then one thing she does is point to Jessica "Are you straight??" Jessica: Yes. "Are you straight? *pointing to me*" "*laugh* Nope" then she pointed to Keith and said "Are you straight?" "Yep" it was a nice unsuspicious way of telling if he was or not. Well, even if he is gay, if he isn't going to admit it, he isn't going to date, ha ha.

Fox's picture

i dunno man, I wouldn't say

i dunno man, I wouldn't say I'm gay around a bunch of catty chicks either. I think 1 on 1 is the way to go, less stress for him, gives him time to think, etc. Honestly, if yall feel that strongly about someone buck up and ask them out, it's not hard, and chances are even if you do get shot down, you've spent enough time around the person that there's no way they're going to go shoot their mouth off to the school.

Bottomline though is, you are gay, and everyone in your life will have to deal with that, and you can put it off for as long as you want, but the longer you wait the more relationships and friendships you sacrifice, so why not just get it out of the way with in HS? It's not so awful, infact most people don't care.

yuxiang's picture

well......

Well Im a senior right now and I've totally fallen for a junior in my Orchestra class. We both play cello, he's french-Canadian, and he just rocks my world, but I just don't know. I mean he's a great dresser, is into the arts, and is deep, and doesn't seem to be too interested in girls from what I can see; however, he plays hockey and doesn't speak noticably femininely (spelling).
Well, what I'm saying is, we're both lovesick and on the same boat, so your not alone.

wetbikebubbakeith's picture

Ask a different question.

Is he really the one for you? From what you said, you really don't KNOW him and you're concentrating on his looks as opposed to his personallity. Also, you have your future to worry about. If your failing advanced class (are they too hard or are you staring at him too much) you should transfer to a different hour and see him in the halls or drop the class for an easier one. Now, back to him. It sounds like he has yet to come to terms with his sexuality; hetero or homo. It took me four years to admit to myself that I was gay and judging by the change in his behavior between you two and when his friends are with you, I'd say it might take a while for him to be comfortable. Just my two cents. Please, really think about your future; even if you two get together, you failing highschool puts you in a very bad spot. Oh, I think he's gay too.

jeff's picture

Err...

Don't want to discourage people from giving advice, but the post you're replying to is nearly 18 months old, so... this problem has likely resolved.

---

"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

Add me on MySpace!

wetbikebubbakeith's picture

Sorry, missed that

Sorry, missed that

BABOU's picture

I just stumbled upon the

I just stumbled upon the post. Although it dates back to 4 yeras ago, I still hope receive some tips too.
well, I m going through a similar experience too. I live in a middle eastern country where gay things are a taboo issue or even worse. I have a crush on a young fella . I saw him at the local bath (hammam) where he works as a masseur. I just fell under his spell. That was 2 weeks ago when I first saw him. I just kept staring at him till he noticed it . SO he kept going to and fro fondling his bulge and observing my reaction while I stood filling my bucket. The moment I stopped goggling him, he gave up. I thought he was just flirting on me like any hustler of his age would do. [ I know some of the neigbourhood who come over and tell me their storries with tourists and stuff. they never imagined that I fancied them too ;))] . It occured to me that he was playing on me just to catch me with my pants down ,as it were, then out me for the heck of it. So I tried to forget about it. (many people were outed in that way)

However, on my second visit to the hamam, he just greeted me smiling and was as usual moving about and staring back at me. I reckon, I could see curiosity, mistrust and indecision all at a bound in his smart, fixed and steamy looks. He was so mannered unlike many of his peers. (he is about 19 -20) I thought "well, maybe he 's just trying to seduce me. " yet, I noticed that he was behaving alike with everyone around including his own fellow masseurs ... .. Till the moment I put on my clothes when he was preparing to leave home , he kept sneakily gazing back. I caught him twice or so then he said good night and left.

If only it wasn't in my little homophobic county, I would go ahead and straighten things up with him then come what may. But in my case there is no way. Even if he s gay, he could simply turn down my move. if he s not, then I m done with, for you can't imagine how hellish your life would be once they found out you re gay . I would stand anything except that my 2 poor sisters be doomed to celibacy forever. No one would marry them for the "ignominy" I would bring to them. This is the way people think round here. Being gay stain your whole family , your mates or anything that surrounds you with shame.

Sometimes I think he has the same fears as mine. Sometimes I tell myself he s just a homophobe like those hustlers who date tourists and say they re doing it for the sake of money. (being top brings you no shame; being bottom strips you of your "manhood" . that s one common creed among my community too)
I don't really know what to do: Im 26 and Im still keeping it in the closet. I m sick of it.Yet I can't give up thinking about him. It maybe lust more than passion but my life is still "sexless". But tis not only sex that I want. I want someone with whom I feel alright about myself. I want to love and be loved. !!!
please guys I need your feedback

BABOU's picture

well, I m going through a

well, I m going through a similar experience too. I live in a middle eastern country where gay things are a taboo issue or even worse. I have a crush on a young fella . I saw him at the local bath (hammam) where he works as a masseur. I just fell under his spell. That was 2 weeks ago when I first saw him. I just kept staring at him till he noticed it . SO he kept going to and fro fondling his bulge and observing my reaction while I stood filling my bucket. The moment I stopped goggling him, he gave up. I thought he was just flirting on me like any hustler of his age would do. [ I know some of the neigbourhood who come over and tell me their stories with tourists and stuff. they never imagined that I fancied them too ;))] . It occured to me that he was playing on me just to catch me with my pants down ,as it were, then out me for the heck of it. So I tried to forget about it. (many people were outed in that way)

However, on my second visit to the hamam, he just greeted me smiling and was as usual moving about and staring back at me. I reckon, I could see curiosity, mistrust and indecision all at a bound in his smart, fixed and steamy looks. He was so mannered unlike many of his peers. (he is about 19 -20) I thought "well, maybe he 's just trying to seduce me. " yet, I noticed that he was behaving alike with everyone around including his own fellow masseurs ... .. Till the moment I put on my clothes when he was preparing to leave home , he kept sneakily gazing back. I caught him twice or so then he said good night and left.

If only it wasn't in my little homophobic county, I would go ahead and straighten things up with him then come what may. But in my case there is no way. Even if he s gay, he could simply turn down my move. if he s not, then I m done with, for you can't imagine how hellish your life would be once they found out you re gay . I would stand anything except that my 2 poor sisters be doomed to celibacy forever. No one would marry them for the "ignominy" I would bring to them. This is the way people think round here. Being gay stain your whole family , your mates or anything that surrounds you with shame.

Sometimes I think he has the same fears as mine. Sometimes I tell myself he s just a homophobe like those hustlers who date tourists and say they re doing it for the sake of money. (being top brings you no shame; being bottom strips you of your "manhood" . that s one common creed among my community too)
I don't really know what to do: Im 26 and Im still keeping it in the closet. I m sick of it.Yet I can't give up thinking about him. It maybe lust more than passion but my life is still "sexless". But tis not only sex that I want. I want someone with whom I feel alright about myself. I want to love and be loved. !!!
please guys I need your feedback

Endymion's picture

Well,why don't you try and leave that place

It's like you don't have a life there!!!!

If i were you,I'd think up a way to solve this problem. It doesn't hurt to be crafty in this!

Good luck!