lonely, scared, and very tired.

SilentBlue's picture

Its working. I'm actually starting to forget what actually happened. My lies are becoming truth in my head....is this damaging for the future do you think? Ah well, I don't care, its good for now. I decided I don't want to talk about the truth. I'm over it now....its been pushed away.

I really want to go talk to a therapist again. I just don't want anyone in my family to know. Problems are that I can't pay for it myself, I don't know who to go to and the ones that are free are not very good....I tried going to them already. They just really don't seem to give a shit. I try to talk to my friends, but I don't want to unload my problems onto them, they have their own to deal with. I also wouldn't want someone I hang around with knowing absolutely everything about me.....it might freak them out. I don't know what to do. I find I'm letting out more of my secrets though. I just can't contain them anymore, but I really don't want the people I tell to know, I just can't keep them in.

I'm changing so much right now and in the past two years.....I don't think I'm changing into something I want to be though. I don't know how to stop it!

Comments

the ghost's picture

Hi.

I'm sorry your feeling so down right now,it sucks.I think the past affects how we behave in the present,so as regarding your question about lies affecting your future its up to you if you want them to.The future hasn't happened yet so you still have the power to change it if you want to.
I know what you mean about not being able to talk to friends about stuff, my friends have no idea of most of the craziness that goes on in my head.You say you want to see a therapist but can't afford it,how about visiting your doctor and talking about how you feel?It would be confidential and he/she might be able to give you some advice.Well I hope this helped you a bit,and feel free to message me anytime you want if you want to get anything off your mind.

the mouse that roared's picture

Talk to a friend.

It sounds like you really need someone to vent to. Keep talking till someone will listen. A true friend will care enough to listen to you.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day