Oh! I Feel a Ramble Coming On!

the ghost's picture

Hmm,I am having another one of those "I'm angry at the world days". I am not even sure why. Well thats not
100% true. There are a few things that are just irritating me right now, and I guess they were all just
really bugging me today. First of all, I hate when people try to control me. I am 21 but my family tries to
control a lot of things I do. I know they love me a lot, but sometimes I just wish they would leave me alone
and let me do my thing, watever my thing is. I guess the controlling thing is just bothering me right now
because today my friend kept trying to tell me what to do and it was really annoying me. She is my friend
so obviously I like her, but she clings to me, and is very bossy which really frustrates me. I am new in
college and I would like to get to know some more people in my class. But everytime I try to talk to
anyone else she is there getting in the way of me speaking to anyone else but her. Today I went to go sit
with some of the other guys in my class but she was all like "oh no I'm not sitting with them" so I had
to stay and sit with her instead of chatting and having a laugh with the others. It's not as if I am
going to run off and not be her friend anymore, just because I talk to other people. She doesn't want me
to talk to anyone outside "our group".

Second of all I am irritated at myself for being so closeted. I keep telling myself that I will come out
and then I get scared and don't. I just hate feeling so alone. I would love to be in a relationship and
be happy, and just be myself. People often comment that I am a verd closed person, and I think part of that,
well a lot of that is because of my sexuality. It's this huge part of me that I am keeping so well hidden.
I guess being closeted is just bothering me a lot more lately because I have actually started to feel a
bit more confidently assured of my sexuality. Before I was kinda going back and forth between bi and
gay and just not being sure. But I think I have realised that I am gay, its not as if I am ruleing out ever
falling for a guy, but after 21 years and only ever going for girls, I think the answer is fairly obvious.

I am happy that I am a bit clearer on this though. My thoughts have turned from obsessing about what I am,
to obsessing about coming out. I want to tell someone but I am not sure who. I have a friend who I
actually think is gay too, who I think would be supportive but we don't get to see each other that often.
Then there is my friend whom I like as more than a friend who I know is not homophobic,but then I face
the awkward situation of her noticing that I LIKE her ALOT, and I wont be able to be giving her loads of
hugs and stuff which I enjoy:)Oh I just don't know! I have promised myself I will tell someone before
christmas. I have to, I am so tired of people asking me have I seen any hot guys lately!

Well thats it for now.Adios.Thanks for reading if you have read it.

Comments

SilentBlue's picture

I don't like it when I feel a

I don't like it when I feel angry at the world. Its a feeling you can't really change either hey? You kind of just have to wait it out....

I used to have a friend that didn't like to go sit with new people. I ended up telling her I was going to sit with the different people and I would ask if she was sure she didn't want to come....sometimes she would cave and actually come. If not, I would just ditch her heh!

Good luck on coming out to your friend!....Whichever one you may choose. (or both!)

the ghost's picture

yeah,im less angry today!Than

yeah,im less angry today!Thanks!

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt