So confused...

Riku's picture

About Sora (My best friend and crush. If you haven't read my previous journals.) She knows I'm gay, but she is still just as clingy, and she also seems to drop a lot of hints unless I'm reading her totally wrong. But I think she's going out with someone. (Sorry, my memory skills are not the best.)

You know, sometimes I wish you could choose who you fall in love with. When I was little I thought that was the case. And I also used to wonder why people had a hard time telling someone they loved them. And I 'decided' that I wouldn't be like that. So why am I like that now? I guess I failed at that too.

Anyways... It's really wierd. I mean, a few days ago I was talking to her and her sister. Her sister had just finshed up talking about a friend she thinks might be gay. (Or just REALLY friendly.) And Sora comes, sits next to me, and hugs me. And tells her sister that I have a confession to make. (She want's me to come out to her sister. But I'm too shy... And I think she figured it out anyways.) and her sister jokingly guesses "What? You're geting married?" And she's like "Yeah!" and I had no idea how to react to that. So my brain sort of shut down and I freaked out a little. I blame PMS.

But it's always been like that though. She'd just decide that we were getting married or something for me and go tell everyone and I'd pretend to not like the idea. It just surprises me that she still does that now that she knows that I'm gay. And she still sits on my lap, and she's still just as clingy as ever... I guess I wasn't expecting that.

And, at the same time, she told me the other day not to get the hots for her again. And she did seem pretty happy about that boy she apparently likes. (Though she hasn't mentioned him since. (Yeah I know I'm hopeless.)) And all of that stuff. And plus, even if she does like me back it would mess up her relationship with that boy, who is still a good friend of hers. And I don't want that either. Grrr, why can't everything be simple?

Well, either way, I really want to talk to her now. I want to tell her too but I don't think I'm brave enough. (Yeah, I shouldn't talk like that.) But, I guess that if she ever thought about it she must suspect that I like her.. (Never been good at hiding things.) (Heh, like I should talk.) Especialy with that akward silence that followed her telling me not to get the hots for her. But if she does then why does she act so clingy and stuff? Is she messing with my head? X_X

In other news, it's a LOT easier to figure out the relationships of fictional characters. Cuz they're not real and you can beleive whatever you want.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

You CAN choose who you fall in love with. You just have no control over their feelings.

I do think there is a losing battle when you try and work against reality. Her feelings are her feelings, and you are unlikely to change them. The only thing you can do is learn them, and deal with the consequences. Although, learning to deal with reality is always a good life lesson.

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