I guess when someone cheats on your the first time, and it's your first love, you are allowed to be stupid about it, you know, believe them when they say they'll never do it again yet that doubt is always around. I cannot stand this doubt. I am suspicious of everything, especially as the "other persons" name gets mentioned here and there. "Yeah, SHE and I were talking after school" or "She invited me to her house to study for this test we have in Spanish." Everytime before that SHE and HER were together the first time, HER cheating on me with SHE, who has been an enemy of mine since the day we meet. Now a month after they still are "studying" together. Amazing how I am the one who is more likely to cheat and she beats me to it and now I suspect it of starting all over again. Yes I know I should just end it, take my half and go find me someone who will love and be true to me. Yet it seems in this small pool of homos I have to choose from, none of them are quite right. Personality wise I mean, I hate people who judge on apperence and I am not going to be a hypocrite on the matter.
She will never understand how she has hurt me. My one person I thought I could finally trust and she does this. How typical, why can it not ever be like a movie? At least an American movie. Everyone always ends happy. I detest reality. Damn it to the deapths of the Christian Hell. I give up on love. I shall throw myself deep into studies and music. Ivy Leagure school here I come. Thank you love for being the worst thing to happen to me. How I truly feel dead inside.