does wanting to be gay makes me gay?

booboo's picture

yeap, that's the question..hope you wont fall alseep reading this and i really need advice form you guys...
well, it all started when i like this guy and the guys likes me but we never date actually but we told each other we like each other then after a few months he didn't talk to me again and i don't know why..
so now, i think i prefer girls and i saw a gay couple in my school so i told myself i wanna be like that or am i like that...
i've question myself a lot of times whether i'm like that but i treat guys and girls the same...
yeep, that's all....(",)

raining men's picture


No it doesn't make you gay but it may be possible to think that you are. You need to think abouit what is sexually attractive to you - men, women or both? The idea of sex with which (or both) is appealing?

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

jeff's picture


Just let things happen and see where you end up. If you liked this guy, and are attracted to girls... you might be bi. But just cross straight off the list, and the rest will sort itself out.

I realize there is a huge motivation to find a label, and ascribe yourself as closely as possible to that label once selected, but it is really limiting and often causes more problems than it solves.

I'm a total myspace whore (and by whore, I mean I use it to sleep with people, I'm not on it often), so ADD ME AS A FRIEND

QuakerOats's picture

I wanted to be gay too, and s

I wanted to be gay too, and so did my friend. I ended up being bi, and he ended up being trans. There are lots of good reasons for wanting to be gay. Why don't you find a GSA or other LGBTQ-ish group and start hanging out with them, immerse yourself in queer culture for a little until you really feel like sexual orientation isn't that big a deal, and then see how you feel. Try to see what's attracting you to the idea of being gay-- is it something inside of you, or images, or stereotypes, or subculture, or someone nice you met? Remember sexual orientation is about love and emotional connection as well as sexual attraction. It's okay to relate to different genders in different ways.

the ghost's picture


I used to think that I just wanted to be gay and that made me gay,but it was actually I wanted to be with other girls and therefore not straight.I dunno if that makes sense to you.Its like I thought that I just wanted to be gay and that was why I liked girls.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

Adam A's picture


doesn't give you a membership to this particular club darling but that doesn't mean u'r not, if u'r questioning u'r questioning, just take time and think it through, when you know you know

Azul Love's picture

Doesn't work the other way

Well, I don't think you can want to be gay and then become gay. Just becauseit really hasn't worked for me the other way. Wanting to be straight seeing straight couples making myself look at guys that way saying yah there hot. Yah, after a couple of years you figure it is either love yourself or hate yourself cause not going to change

joemondragon's picture

If you like both girls and

If you like both girls and boys, you might be bisexual. But my adives would be to throw out all labels, and just hink about who you like in general. For exmple, I like both girls and boys, but boys a lot more. I would never think of marrying a girl, but can see myself living with another guy. So, by defenition, I'm bi but I classify myself as gay. In the mean time, if you really want a lbal, try queer-thats all encompasing.

"A friend is someone who bails you out of jail; a best friend is someone who stands in the cell next to you and says 'that was freakin' awesome'"
-Dr. Jamie Morris

Duncan's picture

I second what joemondragon

I second what joemondragon says. Go by general feelings of who you like.

Courage is contagious... be strong, and soon you won't be standing alone.

icantpredictthefuture002's picture

when i first started to

when i first started to question my sexuallity i asked myself the same question.. but i fidgured out that you are who you are, you change something so strong as changing your sexuallity by wanting it to change.. its always been changed, either you grew up gay knowing it from when you were young or started questioning it later on in your life.. you cant just become it, by wanting to be it...
i hope that helped answer your question alittle....

Hyacinthus's picture

well honestly

Humans have this terrible habit of putting labels on ourselves, and I think we should all try and get away from it. That means, that you shouldn't be trying to determine exactly how "gay" you are, you should be focusing on trying to find someone you love in this world, be they male or female. so in my opinion no, you can't actually decide to be gay or not. ultimately it is all up to who you like...and if you happen to like guys more than girls then most people would classify you as "gay".

"Persuasive speech, and more persuasive sighs,
Silence that spoke, and eloquence of eyes."
- The Iliad (bk. XX, l. 315), (Bryant's translation)