It's Nayru here...

Riku's picture

I'm Riku now! I've been wanting to change my username for a while, but I finally got around to it. I'm still me, but I rather be called Riku anyways. *nods* I hope not too many people are confused.

So you're probably wondering what happened, I sent Sora an e-mail that basically asked her to be my girlfriend right? Sora came over, and she checked her e-mail. (I told her too. Since I knew she haddn't yet.) And by the time she has the browser up I've left the room. I sat in a different room and listened to her type. (I was littarly shaking.) And she came in and hugged me. Then we avoided the subject and watched stuff on youtube for a little while, and then she brought up her e-mail account on Yahoo again and started sending me something and then she kicked me out of the room. And so I waited. And then she told me to check my e-mail.

She sent me two e-mails, the first one said that she wouldn't be my girlfriend but we'll be best friends for life, and the second one, the one she wanted me to read, said that she would if I let her go out with boys and lead a "normal life" whatever that is. But... It took about a half hour for it to sink in. I couldn't belive that she said yes. Sooo... I decided I'd let her go out with boys, for now. Because I understand that she wants to experiment and stuff.

So I'm really confused. But really, really happy! ^_^ She slept over, and we hugged a lot. And we talked about things. And it was really nice. I think the reason that she said no intialy probably has something to do with peer pressure and curiosity. But I'm okay with that for now. Though it's sort of like walking on thin ice.

Well, anyways. You can probably expect the amount of journal entries I write to go down, at least a little bit.

It's sort of funny, not much has changed between us except we hug more, and we're more open with each other. And as a plus we're both totally lost. Neither of us has ever had/ been a girlfriend before. So we're just like "Okaaay... What now?" XD But I guess things will get a little less akward after a while.

In other news, I promised my mom that I'd go to Florida in the winter. But I don't want to talk to my grandma (My mom is living with her.) And plus, I'm partly afraid they might try to keep me there. It's unlikley that I'll stay there for much longer than I want to though. I'm not totally brainless. But it would be a mess. And besides that, Grandma is going to ask me about... BOYS. >_< I really don't want her to. I hate, hate, hate lying. And I can see the lecture already

"You should go to school, public school, you'll meet kids there, and then you can start dating. It's not good for you to be by youself all of the time. You should wear makeup. And why don't you wear dresses and girly clothes? You almost look like a boy! I'm going to take you clothes shopping. And I'll buy you dress shoes too! Tell me when you get a crush on a boy! And when you start dating, and when you get a boyfriend! I want to know eeevrything about you. You shouldn't wear shirts that are so big on you. Stop slouching! You should straighten your hair. NO you CAN'T dye it purple!" And I think you get the idea. I don't hate her. (Hate is pratically an impossible emotion for me.) I don't like her very much. But I love her because she's family... Weird. Also, she'd probably freak if I came out to her. Like, explode.

And then there's my grandad who has threatened to call the police and claim my dad was kidnapping me if didn't meet him at the mall. (I was pretty upset at him already since he's fasley accused my dad of kidnapping before. You don't apoligize to a person by threatining to do it again.) So, I don't really want to talk to him either. And this is why I'm really bitter around them. And why I'm sort of dreading my trip to Florida. And I don't wanna leave Sora either. :( *clingy* It's like, really unlikley but it would rawk if she could come.

Anyways. I'm actually really happy right now. Though I'm still confused. I have to talk to Sora about the dating boys thing though. And I sort of want to tell my mom about Sora and stuff. Because my dad knows. (Well, he knows all up until the she's actually my girlfriend part.) But I dunno. It'd be weird. Mabye I'll tell her when she comes up for the court thing.

And also, my dad's birthday is tomorrow. And I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll probably paint a card for him or something. Watercolor pencils are like, the only thing I'm good at.

Okay I'm done for now.


ThinkGreen's picture

Yay again. A true friend s

Yay again.

A true friend stabs you in the front.

Midnight's picture


it's great that you and Sora are together i've been reading your journals forever i feel so happy for you. I hope everything goes good with her and i know how you feel with your grand-parents mine are the same. Like your new name my AIM is also Riku but i spell mine Rikku from the chick on finial fantasy not the guy on Kingdom Hearts. I'm really happy for you and your G/F Sora yea:)

whateversexual_llama's picture

Oh, great job with Sora! I'm

Oh, great job with Sora! I'm so happy for you! *dances* I'm glad you finally got to talk to each other. Just relax and let it be and enjoy your time with her, and you'll be fine. *Gives you a hug*

I dunno what to say about the grandma... what I'd do is smile and nod. I say, it's the answer to everything. Except for the things that smiling and shaking your head answer.

Happy birthday to your dad... hey, I never got around to wishing you a happy birthday! So happy belated birthday to you~

Great job with Sora!

Be yourself. Because if you're busy being someone else, then who's gonna be you?

wild-blue-yonder's picture


woah again...

see, risks DO pay off sometime! Her reaction was not bad at all, hmm? I mean, soooo much better than it could have been. It seems like she really does care for you, like a lot, which is awesome. I can understand where she's coming from, though, asking if you'd let her date boys, because if she's not certain about her sexuality and hasn't had experience dating before, she wouldn't want to close any doors. But... still... congratulations, I was rooting for you. I hope all goes well.

jeff's picture


Not a total victory, really. She will only be your girlfriend to the extent that no one ever knows about the two of you, she lives a normal life, but every so often, you and her will get to have a little Brokeback Mountain time.

So, she gets the benefit of heterosexual privilege, and you get to wait around just... waiting for her?

Now, true yo did just spring this on her, so we'll give her some time to sort it out, but on first blush, I think she needs to either step up or back off, because there's way too much option for you to get hurt, and you deserve more than being someone's secret.

I'm a total myspace whore (and by whore, I mean I use it to sleep with people, I'm not on it often), so ADD ME AS A FRIEND

Riku's picture

I know. Thanks. I have to tal

I know. Thanks. I have to talk to her about that, I was sort of surpised at the time so I didn't really think about it much then. So I guess we both need some time to think and some time to talk.

Toph's picture

Possible Danger

My initial fear is that she's using you for experimentation. She realized the opportunity to explore something different and seized it. I agree with Jeff. This may keep you temporarily happy, but it has the potential to hurt you and your relationship with your friend. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you have to look all around you rather than straight ahead.

May the spirits guide your every assure you please her in all the right places XD

Riku's picture


I've thought about that too. And I agree with you both, but I'm not going to worry too much. If I worry too much I'll probably get upset that will make things harder. But it's not like I'm not thinking about it. And I will talk about it with her. And it's good that people remind me of things like this, it helps me veiw the situation better. Thanks. :)

peanut_gallery's picture


I've been following your story (pretty much like everyone else here has) and I've got to say this: GOOD JOB! WOO! YAY!

Risks are amazing when they turn out well, aren't they?



However: Be careful. It sounds like she's leaving it open for her, but closed for you. There's a lot more potential for you to get crushed than you. So be happy but be careful.

Edited to add:I love how this is on the front page. That is all.

raining men's picture


I'd be careful if I were you. She sounds like you're a bit of an experiment and she still wants others. Not exactly perfect. At the same time not exactly disasterous. So overall, a yay!

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

jojojo's picture

Hey Riku, formerly Nayru!

Hey Riku, formerly Nayru!

I am happy for you. And it's great that you can now talk more openly, and see where it all goes. I agree it's like walking on thin ice,

so let's see if you'll get to a place where the ice is thicker, or what happens.

It's good that you can talk about things!!

I wish you best of luck!!

We have all been injured, profoundly. (Donna Haraway)
I Am Out, Therefore I Am. (Okay, mostly.)

SilentBlue's picture

YAY! But how come things can

YAY! But how come things can never be simple? Just a "I'd love to be your girlfriend, lets cuddle!" Like others have said....maybe shes just scared. But you're going to talk to her so I guess she'll tell you whats up :)

So happy for you!