Regrets...

Pixiecorpse6's picture

I finally got the metaphorical balls to tell my crush that I like her. Well. I'm in love with her. But I kind of skipped that little fact. I just told her that a) I'm a lesbian, and that I don't want that fact to ruin our friendship; and b) that I like her, and that I don't want her oppinion of me to change because of it. It was a really, really long email. I guess I just summed it up in one or two sentences. I forget how many.

Anyway. I've been freaking out all day. I've been really quiet and antisocial, and in fact, I haven't even bothered putting any make up on. I keep regretting telling her. Sure, I felt like shit trying to keep it a secret and move on. But hey, the more I try to move on, the harder it seems to become for me.

She wasn't here today. She has the flu. I guess I'm kind of glad though. I hope she reads that email soon and thinks it over while she's at home. So she won't like, blow up in my face and ditch me. I'm pretty sure she's straight. Soemtimes she makes me wonder if she's questioning, but anyway. That's beside the point. Point is, I really needed to tell her before I went insane, so I did. It wasn't easy. It took me about an hour to write it with the right words, and read it over, havce my other best friend read it, add a few more paragraphs, re-read it, and send it to her. It was probably the biggest and hardest decision I've ever made.

I'm pretty anxious to see the results. I do and I don't want to know how she's going to react. I love her, but I keep thinking she'll abandon me completely. I guess in the end though, I had to tell her.

Comments

-Ruby-'s picture

Hey gurl, dont freak out abou

Hey gurl, dont freak out about coming clean to ur friend. u did the right thing, trust me. I have had crushes on girlfreinds before and i know that if it goes on long enough, and u dont say anything and just let it fester, it will get more intense and just tear u up inside. if she's a true freind and really loves and respects u, she will appreciate the fact that u told her the truth. she might feel a little awkward and uncomfortable at first. she may not be instantly overjoyed, and thats ok. just give her time to deal with it, and when she does, ur freindship will be stronger then ever. and who knows, u may even end up hooking up with her if the time is right (LOL)... but take it slow! (especially with a straight girl, haha) Good luck man!
:o)

ForeverEndedToday's picture

^I second that now i belie

^I second that

now i believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
and layed entwined together on a bed of clover
left there to sleep
left there to dream of their happiness

Pixiecorpse6's picture

thankies.

Thanks all for the reassurance. Yeah, I guess I'll just have to wait. It really was starting to tear me apart inside. I mean, I'm the type who never cries, and in the past months since i met her, it's been happening quite a lot. Really embarrassing to admit that, but... I guess crying is just a healthy part of life... Anyway. Yeah. Glad I told her, and even if I lose her completely over it, I'd rather have it said than live with the regret of 'if only...'

thanks again. i feel a lot better right now actually.

jojojo's picture

yay, I think it was brave to

yay, I think it was brave to tell her. And, as Jeff always says, it's better to regret action than inaction ;-)

good luck.

crying is very human. people sould not make it a reason for feeling like one failed.

We have all been injured, profoundly. (Donna Haraway)
I Am Out, Therefore I Am. (Okay, mostly.)