I finally got the metaphorical balls to tell my crush that I like her. Well. I'm in love with her. But I kind of skipped that little fact. I just told her that a) I'm a lesbian, and that I don't want that fact to ruin our friendship; and b) that I like her, and that I don't want her oppinion of me to change because of it. It was a really, really long email. I guess I just summed it up in one or two sentences. I forget how many.
Anyway. I've been freaking out all day. I've been really quiet and antisocial, and in fact, I haven't even bothered putting any make up on. I keep regretting telling her. Sure, I felt like shit trying to keep it a secret and move on. But hey, the more I try to move on, the harder it seems to become for me.
She wasn't here today. She has the flu. I guess I'm kind of glad though. I hope she reads that email soon and thinks it over while she's at home. So she won't like, blow up in my face and ditch me. I'm pretty sure she's straight. Soemtimes she makes me wonder if she's questioning, but anyway. That's beside the point. Point is, I really needed to tell her before I went insane, so I did. It wasn't easy. It took me about an hour to write it with the right words, and read it over, havce my other best friend read it, add a few more paragraphs, re-read it, and send it to her. It was probably the biggest and hardest decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty anxious to see the results. I do and I don't want to know how she's going to react. I love her, but I keep thinking she'll abandon me completely. I guess in the end though, I had to tell her.