Riku's picture

Ever since Sora slept over and said that she'd be my girlfriend (Err.. Halfway my girlfriend as I decided to call it.) It feels sort of like a dream, unreal. Like I'm about to wake up. Like everything that's happened really didn't. I'm afraid when I talk to Sora that it was a dream and it's going to sound weird and she's going to be confused or hate me for some reason. I don't know why, it's a feeling I have. Like it's all in my head... (Well, it sort of IS but that's besides the point.) And I don't know why. I want everything to feel real again. But nothing does. Not pain, or what I see, or what I hear. It all seems fake. Why does it always get like this whenever something big happens? Why won't it go away? X_X

Sorry about that, but I'm sort of going crazy over here. Nothing seems real anymore. Not to mention my head feels like it's clogged up or something. A mental flu?

Anyways, I haven't gotten the chance to talk to Sora yet. She's always busy with chores and homework. And I would find something to do but I've pretty much lost interest in everything for some reason. I could like, pick my guitar up, start to practice a little. And put it down 2 minutes later. Mabye I'm anxious... Mabye I shouldn't have tried so hard not to be anxious. X_X

It gets dark too early. It's only like, 5pm and it's dark! I miss the summer. T_T I have this feeling that this winter is going to be an awfully long one. Probably because of the divorce and stuff. It dosen't help that I don't really miss my mom, which has me worried. I don't want my dad to know because that would make things weird. And I defienetly don't want my mom to know. But I don't know why I don't miss her, I just don't. I'm not happy that she's away, but I'm not that sad about it either. I hate lying to her. And I love her. But...

Ugh, I wish my emotions were less confusing. And I wish that I could actually have something go right for once without this dream-type feeling looming over me. It just totaly ruins it.

Sorry for such a negitave entry. I'm normally really positive but.. I don't know. I wish I could understand myself sometimes. But most of the time I feel like I don't even control me. It's lame. I wonder why I feel that way...

And don't worry about me too much, I'll just have these moments of emo... But they go away genrally fast. It's impossible for me to stay upset for very long unless something REALLY awful has happened.

Oh, and thanks to everyone who reads my jornals and comments on them! I wonder why my entry got on the front page?

Also, I'm going to like, make a webcomic eventually. But I have to finish writing the story and get better at drawing first. There aren't enough good shojo-ai webcomics out there. It's like, sad.

And another thing, with shohen-ai, it's really easy to find anime or manga with an intersting plot and charecters and stuff. And with shojo-ai it's like, not... I watched Strawberry Panic. It was mostly fluff which annoyed me. (And it sort of reminded me of Vandread, since males didn't seem to exist in that series and all of the girls were gay. XD) But towards the end it was okay. I dunno, mabye I'm just picky. (I have nothing against shohen-ai. It's cute.)

And now, I am rambling... Sorry about that. ^^'


SilentBlue's picture

Sounds like you have a lot on

Sounds like you have a lot on your mind right now. Its clogged with thoughts! You have some pretty big things going on in your life right now with your mom and sister living so far away and all of whats going on with Sora so who can blame you?....I always just kind of detach from the world and get lost in my thoughts when I'm overwhelmed by emotions or hard situations.

Hopefully your mental flu clears up soon! :)

Toph's picture


It seems that the nagging unreal feeling you're experiencing is your instinct telling you that this experience may have a bitter ending.

~May the spirits guide your every assure you please her in all the right places XD