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the ghost's picture

Hello peoples. Hmm I'm not really sure what I want to write about. There is nothing unusual happening with
me right now, just the usual run of the mill stuff, but I'm feeling a bit lonely and figured I'd make a
journal entry.
I miss my friends right now, well I say "friends" but I really mean one friend in particular who makes me
feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I know I have to just get over her because, lets face it, it just aint ever
going to happen. I have been seeing less of her over the last few weeks, which makes me :( because I miss
talking to her everyday. Its like I have to just get over her, but I don't want to drift away from her
either. I just don't know. I just feel all lonely right now.
I sort of just feel like I am not that close to anyone anymore. I still have lots of friends and all that,
but I feel like I have shut them out of my actual life. Like the general stuff of what is going on with me.
Its like I have gotten used to pretending life is sweet and everything is fine with me. I am always the
funny one in the group that everything is fine with,and that person that everyone seems to come to with
their problems,and don't get me wrong I like helping people but sometimes it just gets a bit much.Like
I would really like to reach out and talk to someone but they are too busy telling me their troubles to
actually notice. But then I always seem to put accross to them that I am fine so it isn't really their fault
is it?
I also promised myself that I would avoid actually answering questions about the opposite sex,such as "is
there any hot boys in your class?"Then I was talking to my friend during the week and I found myself lieing
and being like yeah sure blah blah blah. I have led my friends to think I am staright and now I really want
to distance myself from that so my coming out wont be such a shock.
I am actually going to a gay bar soon which is something positive to be thinking about. My friends want to
see what it is like.With friends as cool about gayness as this I should just be able to come out and be
happy. Ah I wish I could just take a chance and do it.
I started a new job recently and there is a girl with a gay family member and all she does is make jokes
about her.I just wanted to tell her that she is an ass.She only talks about her to get attention and it
pisses me off.Speaking of work I guess I better end it there and head to bed,have a delightful day(I mean
that in a sarcastic voice) of work tomorrow.

Comments

Yuki Kitsune's picture

Aw, please cheer up. Just rep

Aw, please cheer up. Just repeat "gay bar, gay bar, gay bar," in your head. Oh, and be joyful. Happy Feet is coming to theaters soon! You know, the movie about the little penguin who's different and they say "Being different can change the world" or something like that. Well, all of us here at Oasis is like the little dancing penguin from Happy Feet. Yay! Change the world! ^_^
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Addicted to sax....and lovin' it!
-I'm a saxophone player :P

Y - GuRl's picture

stuf sucks

Hey mate.
Getting over your friend is gonna be hard, but eventually the feelings will go away over time, you just gotta stick it out unfortunately. Maybe when you begin to like her less, it'll be easier to build your friendship up again. And yeah I get the whole helping people out but then not letting them in at the same time. It still puzzles me on why we do that to ourselves.. Oh and the straight bullshit, just change the subject but make it subtle so you don't have to lie about things. And then turn the question/topic onto the person you're talking to, people love talking about themselves so this should work most of the time.

msquared's picture

Amen!

I know exactly what you mean with shutting your friends out of your life and always listening to their problems but being too afraid to admit your own since you don't want them to change their views about you being the funny, careless one who never has anything going wrong. [That was not a run-on sentence ;-)] I don't know about you, but I usually never say anything because I want to be known as a tough person who can ride out his problems on his own and not have to rely on anybody else. But the truth is, sometimes you really do just need a little help from your friends. That's what they're there for, right? You don't have to tell all of your friends about your problems, but if you can find just one to confide things to, things will be so much easier! I know from experience. A really neat-o thing to do is make a contract with one of your friends that says that you two can talk to each other about anything, anytime, anywhere, and you'll both always be there for each other no matter what. That way, you'll always know someone has your back.

SilentBlue's picture

I always shut my friends out

I always shut my friends out when I need them most. I'm afraid they will let me down or something so I don't give them the chance to. The person who is listening to everyone elses troubles seems more in control of their life and more able to handle their emotions because they do well with helping other people figuring out theirs. I know a couple people who that happens to, but they won't talk about their feelings even if you ask them.....You can talk to me anytime if you want.

the ghost's picture

Thanks

Thanks so much, I appreciate all your help and advice.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt