am i str8/bi/gay. i am having some major issues.. please help me

briansmith9873's picture

ok heres my story:
I am a 22 year old frat guy in school. I have had a couple gf's none for more than 6 months. I have hooked up with many girls. Just recently i have been real hhorny and bored and found the site I have discreetly hooked up with more than 7 guys on it (it is so easy to find some one to get off with). I have been doing this still thinking I am straight but like to get off with guys also. so i was labeling myself bi/ leaning more str8. The site was exciting and very easy to find somone to get off with. now as i hooked up i started to get so much anxiety that somone would find out about me so i stayed off of the site for a semester and then one bad drunk night i logged back in and started again. now i have met a random other frat guy who i hook up with all the time now and it is starting to become an issue. i think i might be starting to like him, but i am not sure. we r both hardcore dl so even if i did i could not tell anyone or my life would be over. I am the most str8 person ever. ( i thought) is it i am just addicted to sex(like the rush of doing somthing bad or meeting somone new and the gay thing is just easy for me to find somone so i do it? am i gay? am i bi. i am honestly freaking myself out. if i start having feelings for guys am i gay. i am starting to build so much anxiety and fear about this.. I think like girls also. i just don't know. i don't want to be a single 28 year(5 years from now) old that thinks hes str8 but that is just a closet case... i don't know what to do or who to talk to. i can't talk to anyone about this. please anyone with any advice respond to this or shoot me a email at

pink hair on girls's picture

this might not be helpful .

this might not be helpful . . . . but just go with whatever makes me happy, and try not to label yourself

make love not war . . . . or be abstinent and bomb everybody!!!!

Metasexual's picture


First of all, try to clear your head. If you're too nervous, it's hard to think clearly. Masturbate or something so you're not horny which might add to the confusion.

Now, from what I read you seem to be bi. If you really like girls and you really like guys (a good way to know is what type of porn do you check out), you probably just like both. But there really is no hurry to label yourself, you'll find one that suits you when you're ready.

As for checking out manhunt (I like that page, tho I rarely use it for hookups), if you can erase your history and don't check it with people around, I don't think anyone will catch you. Or use a password locked session in your computer with a guest one if anyone wants to use it. That's what I do (don't like people looking into my online flirting). If anyone you know sees you on the manhunt page, they're gay or bi and it's unlikely they'll rat you out.

It's probably good that the guy you've been seeing is in the closet, too, ATM. That way you're both comfortable with hiding it (and people out of the closet wouldn't be happy hiding it). It's good that you're seeing him, too, as you're blowing off steam with someone who's safe. You'll probably start to get more used to the idea of being with a guy slowly.

Eventually, you'll have to become comfortable with whatever sexuality you have. Otherwise, you'll never be happy.

As for your life being over, can't you try to make new friends that are from a different social circle than your school? That way you can be out to them and have a place where you can be more honest and don't feel you have to hide it.

Also, why do you think your life will be over if they discover you like guys? You'd be surprised how much the world has changed and how accepting our generation is of gays/lesbians/bis/whatevers (not quite there yet with trans).

oldfoxbob's picture

Gay or Bi? That is the question here!

You, like everyone, has a "best friend" which is a way to explain your friend you are seeing. The fact that you both have sex together is not uncommon with best friends, bi or str8. Everyone is born Bi. There is not a gay man out there who can't perform with a woman, nor a str8 guy who cant get it on with a guy. That is human nature! The Kinsey scale of one to ten puts all mankind in it. Some like gay only, some like str8 only. We "Learn" to go with our prefrence one way or the other. You have yet to decide it sounds. Go with what feels best for you...Most bi go one way then switch the other off and on all the month their str8 then the next they go gay. So that in mind as I say go with what feels best to you, make YOU happy & the hell with the people who dont "approve" of that type of "behavior".
I my self was married and had 3 children, now divorced and have been with my male lover going on 17 years together. I am much happier now then with her. So you see we all learn, or prefer one way or the other. I tell people I am bi but with mostly gay feelings as I still admire the pretty women, I just dont want sex with them. You will get rid of the anxiety with time. But only you can work it out, no one can do it for you, as you have to learn to except YOU for who YOU are first.
Also you dont have to give up the manhunt site, most there are looking for the same thing you are, a release of sexual tension and a quick "fuck/suck/etc"! As a child of the 70's my self we used to have a saying that went, "If it feels good do it, just dont hurt anybody"! So as the saying goes,,, if it feels good....
Good luck,
PS: check out my profile to see who and what I am if you want to.
I have the right knowledge for helping people.
Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense.

Wesley's picture

Don't worry about what you are.

The truth is Im BI and I'm happy that I can be open with myself. You just need to relise that being Bisexual is not a bad thing and remember if your worried about what people think about you...You will be hiding for a very long time and you will keep lying to yourself. Just remember if your friends dont like you because you are BI then they really are not your friend after all. You are just relising that you are interested in men and just relax about it your single and learning about something that is very exciting to you. Just remember it does take time but be glad that your still single. I have learned not to hid my sexuality from wemon either. They are more attracted to men that don't lie to them. If you tell every woman your interested in up front about your interest in men also if she isn't cool with it at least you know where you are up front. So far I have relised that most wemon don't mind BI guys and the respect you because they feel they can trust you better. So many men get married to wemon because they think if they get married to a woman they will be str8. But its better that your not married pretending you like wemon only and then 20 years later you miserable for hiding the relationship you are having with a guy also. Be Real With Everyone....Bisexual relationships are great and very enjoyable. Be glad about who you are.

rowie's picture

from what youve said you are

from what youve said you are definately not straight...

--i used to be a tomboy, now im a full grown lesbian--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

n05h17's picture

I am in your exact same position

I know exactly how you feel briansmith9873.

I'm 20 years old and I'm currently working, seriously considering going back to school at the local university, or maybe even the community college.

Anyways, I've had numerous female partners, and I truthfully love the intimacy I can share with them. But it has been a constant battle in my head as to whether I am gay, straight or bisexual. I've explored my own desires personally, but I have never had the guts to act out with another male... On one hand, I'm envious. On the other, I feel sorry for you. You obviously swing both ways so why not make it known? As for myself, I'm utterly lost. I up and left the state where my parents live about 7 months ago to start fresh. Its exciting, and liberating, but this burden still weighs heavily on my mind.

I'm in a new city, making new friends with my (male) best friend. I've never had a sexual attraction to him, but I'm dying to explore my full sexuality.

I guess that in a perfect world, I would be bi, but I'm just so flippin scared.... and I dont even know what I'm scared of!

Please help! I need advice on who I should come out to first, if I should come out at all, the safest way to meet people while still being discreet, anything! A little help!


Sexy Playero's picture

hey ryan

im 19 Latino, 5'10, 5.5uc (a lot of issues b/c of this). 190 lbs. im straightb ut curious. ive recently recipro oral and with another guy got the best bj of my life. Dude go for it. its a lot of fun . stop defining urself. to everyone i know im straight but righ tnow im exploring and i refuse to define myself. if u wanna talk more write, subj: ryan

Cleopatra's picture

there's one thing straight though,

you're not straight. i agree with some of the comments above, stop labeling yourself. i mean, the more you label yourself, the more confused you get and the more you 'block' yourself from doing things you want to do because of denial. just go do the things you normally do, and in perfect time-space sequence, your 'label' will be revealed to you.

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. "- Lester Burnham, American Beauty