It seems my first semester at my new school is finally over with. Well, today is in fact the last day of school, but I overslept tremendously, waking up at 1 pm, so I didn't dare to show my face that late. In any case, I thought it would be useful to put down some thoughts about how the first half of this school year has been.
I just had a look at my "latest" entry, and was startled to find it was me complaining about how horrific this new school is. It turned out I was gravely mistaken. Although there are barely any guys in my grade, I've found it to be probably the best school so far in my life. Both socially, and in terms of the quality of the education I'm getting.
I have a new best friend, L, who is one of the guys in my class. He's straight and probably one of the least judgemental or uptight guys my age when it comes to dealing with my being gay. (apart from my gay friends, naturally) We share an interest in movies, we both play the piano and he's also very into literature. Sounds like the perfect match, altmost, at least when I'm writing it here. But we are different too, in many ways, although I'm not exactly sure how.
In recent weeks, I've also been spending more time with gay guys my age. It seems I've finally discovered a branch of the gay community here (if you can call it that) that I'm actually comfortale with. It's more the emo kind of guys, along with various film freaks. They have personality, and are slightly less superficial than most gays, which is more than I ever thought would be possible.
Although a lot of these people are just bisexual, or at least claim to be, my sexuality and theirs is never an issue, while a lot of other queer types tend to live in the stereotypes - not because that's who they are in reality, but becuase it allows them to do whatever the fuck they like.
I'm happily single, and I intend to remain that way until some dark prince comes along to abduct me to distant lands. Or rather, to clarify: being sinlge doesn't bother me in the least, but should I one day stumble upon some one very special, I wouldn't be oppsed to forming a relationship.
When I come to think of it, my dates the past year have all carried one key similarity: the guys I'm attracted to have nothing in common with me, whatsoever. The ones that share my interests, or who at least has the talktative chemistry, we always wind up becoming friends or something of the sort. It never escalates into anything even remotely sexual. I find it a little disturbing. Perhaps it's my contentment with being sinlge that drives me into refusing the acceptable guys. Or is it as simple as to say: I'm only drawn to guys who can never be a potential boyfriend. Not if I know; I'm seeing a 19 yo mechanic later this week.. Who does not like my music, and probably not any other things that I might be compelled to like.
It doesn't really bother me. O.o
Anyway, I think I've said all I want for now. But my life is finally stable, which leads me to one last thing, namely that I'm not going back to the States after all. I came to the decision one night when I was sitting on a bench with an ex-crush, and now good friend. We were talking airily about some utterly unimportant matter, and suddenly I knew I didn't want to leave. This is what I'd been longing for - a feeling of stability. My application was ready to go, down to every last detail, everything had been cleared, and I had done an excellent interview. I threw away the application the moment I got home.