*I'm Scared* Im losing my god-brother..help..........

sufferinginsilenceboi's picture

My god-brother lives in Germany, hes 40 this year.. less than 8 months ago he found out he has HIV.. It is a very aggressive case.. Hes fighting a loosing battle and i am scared to death.. I'm not ready to lose him yet.. I had to watch jeremy die from it now my own brother.. I feel so helpless there is nothing I can do.. Nothing will make it go away.. He's been put on 4 different meds and a feeding tube.. He's just not the same no more.. I live in the US and he lives so far away its hard to drop everything and run to catch him from falling.. I dunno so much has changed.. since he found out he broke up with his bf of 2 years and became closer with a bandmate.. He calls me close to every night and neither of us can help but cry.. He has me sing him to sleep quite a bit.. All I know is, he helped me walk when doctors told me it's impossible.. He flew to the US everytime that I went into a coma or was in the hospital.. He believed in me when the others wanted to pull the plug and he sat by my bed day and night holding my hand telling me to come back and talk to him.. He is the best person anyone could ask for, and someday not far from now.......He's not gonna be here.. Im so scared.. I could really use any support or advice anyone has to offer...

patnelsonchilds's picture

There's nothing I can say

There's nothing I can say that will make this any easier. My best friend passed away on my birthday, one year ago December 2nd. I watched her fight her cancer from beginning to end, and took care of her for a couple of months shortly before she passed. The only thing that made it easier in the end was that she knew that she was loved and I knew that she knew. When it comes right down to it, it's love that gets us through these things. You can't be there next to him, but he feels your love nevertheless, and I'm sure that is a great comfort to him. Who's there to comfort you? Well I don't know what your relationship is with friends or family, but my advice is to reach out to anyone that you can, including God if you believe in him (or her, or them). It's important that you stay strong so that he will have you to lean on.

As far as prognosis, I don't know what the doctors there are saying, but I know my own experience. I guess this is as good a time as any to share the fact that I have been HIV+ for almost 11 years now. Up until 2002, I largely ignored it, took no meds and didn't pay attention much to my numbers. Eventually my immune system dropped so low that I go full-blown AIDS pneumonia and came within about one day of dying. My doctors didn't hold out a whole lot of hope that I would make it, but I proved them wrong and slowly got better. I am resistant to most medications also, but my HIV doctor finally found a combination that worked for me and the virus has been undetectable in me now for the past three years. I have some residual health problems from having been so sick, but I am in surprisingly good shape considering the condition I was in 4 years ago. I'm telling you all this to illustrate that things are never hopeless. As sick as your god-brother is, there's always a chance that his condition might improve. If it does not, then we go back to what I said before. The best thing you can do is what you're already doing - give him plenty of love and support. My experience has taught me that the love of your friends and family is the most important thing there is in life. Most people come to realize this at some point, often too late. No matter how this turns out, you are both fortunate to have had one another to lean on through the good and bad times. That is something that you will always be able to hold onto.

You will be in all of our thoughts, sweetie. Try to keep your hope alive, and his too, because you never know how things may turn out. I am an example that, no matter how bad things look, there's always a chance that they'll turn around.

Love and hugs from all of us.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"


sufferinginsilenceboi's picture


this isnt the first time i have had to watch the effects of HIV.. when i was in middle school my bf had it.. he got it when he was 10 from a tainted blood transfusion.. he lived everyday he could.. he fought it, in a way he won.. hes taught me alot including who i am today.. i dated him 4 years and watch him go from himself to like a small child again.. he passed away 2 weeks before his birthday in 1998....holding my hand until he was gone.. I know there is nothing you can do and thats what causes the feelings of hopelessness in that situation as well as many other just like it.. its hard having been through that as a teen.. and now an adult and to loose my brother to it.. he knows i still love him..

|:|I Never Forgot How To Fly, I Just Forgot How To Take Off...What's A Happy Thought?|:|