Mind Your Tongue

underdarkness's picture

[I REALLY appreciate comments and criticism. I also like hearing the interpretation others have on my writing. Commenting is nice :D )

To the call of a night bird –
she awakes at the sound
and ponders the nature of
the bird of night, the dusk.
The ground wears thin where she paces
and begs a question unanswered –
for what the world explains
is in hate of the person
and love of the word.
Ask why one tells all
if alienation is just –
it’s of liberation, to feel no shame.
For why she paces,
only she knows.
for why she paces at dusk,
only she knows.
For why she paces in the same place
and wears the floor boards thin,
only she knows.


msquared's picture


I'm kind of confused about the whole theme of the poem...reading over it five times, the only thing I got out of it was that some girl gets made fun of and paces a lot...? It seems like you're trying to tell a story about this girl, but you explain barely anything about her or her situation. You might need to add some more lines to clarify a bit...or a lot...I've enjoyed lots of your previous poems; hopefully I can enjoy this one when it's revised, too.

"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible." T.E. Lawrence