I just got done reading Smack. It’s a really good book but its made me think way too much. I know its not the point the author was trying to make but I want to... chase the dragon. Just once to see what its like and go. Just go somewhere for a while, meet new people, live. I know I shouldn't, I mean I've got a roof over my head. My mum, my animals, a job, an abusive person who claims to love my mum. But other than him I've got it good. Except I don't know who I am, I'm so bored with myself and my life I feel burnt out all ready and I haven’t even done anything. I'm eighteen years old for Anubis's sake I have many years before me but I feel like I've let too many years slide away without meaning.
I need to make mistakes and learn from them. There is so much to learn and I'm afraid I'm running out of time. I really just don't know. I need to get away from everything. I want my brother to come with me, and he wants to come with me too but he can't. He's tied down by money, debts. Its taken over his life and all he can do is cope. But now that he's moved back home he can barely do that. It isn't his fault though, it’s the other persons, the one we both hate. Recently I had decided to give up my hatred towards the man but I can't . I can pretend, I can be nice to him, but always in the back of my mind there’s a huge fire of anger that no amount of time will douse.
I need a vacation from this existence.