This is awkard since I've never brought up the subject to anyone before. I've always kept it to myself, but it bothers me a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I do want to be a man. But, the penis absolutely disgusts me. And, I'd rather have sex with a woman as a woman. It's just that, even though I know I won't have a sex change, I wonder if there is a part of me that does want it.
Once I had a dream that I was in a war. They had to turn me into a boy because a lot of the men died and the population was dropping. So, I was a boy and they locked me in a room with a girl and I had sex with her so she can become pregnant. (Though scientifically it doesn't work like that but it was a dream).
I have dreams about girls, but sometimes they're about me thrusting the girl like I'm a male. Strange.
(It gets a little personal here with sexual type things, so you're warned)
When I had a friend with benefits a few years ago, she fingered me. But she did it in a way as if it was the male penis, with the in and out motion. But I hated it! I hate to think anything of a male part in me. But, sometimes I fantasize about thrusting girls, but I have no part to thrust with! Even more strange.
I dunno, I just needed to let that out because it was bothering me. Sorry it was so personal, but I just had to.