This is my first journal entry on this site, and I wanted to write about my doubts and fears. I feel that I was supposed to be born a girl, but I have so many thoughts and questions that cloud my mind, I don't know what to do. I've already told my parents about this, but they seem to be distant. To start my first thought, what if I were to live the rest of my life as a female? Well, I wouldn't really be a female after all, right? I wouldn't be able to have children of my own, and I may end up being hated for the rest of my life, but I'll be content inside. Isn't that what I really want, happiness? But what if I were to live the rest of my life the way that I am? Would it be so bad? If I transition, I may never be able to get my life back on track. The way my life is going now is almost perfect. I have great grades, I'm healthy, and I have my whole life ahead of me. Would transitioning make my life better or far worse than it is? I can't even seem to talk privately to my therapist about all of this, because I am so afraid of what my future has in store for me. I'm also very afraid of what people think of me, and I do know that transsexuals have a higher rate of death than homosexuals and other gender related or sexually different people. However, I can't help but feel courage when I hear the story of a successful transsexual. Go to youtube.com and type transsexual in the search list, ignore the sexually explicit videos, and find the heart filled videos of other transsexuals who have, basically, come out to the WORLD! Here are these courageous people who can just simply post a video about themselves and be themselves without a care in the world. Why can't I do that? Why can't I accept who I am, and just yell out to the world that I don't care? I don't know, and maybe I never will. I may just be thinking about it too much. If you read this all the way through, thanks for reading, and if you care enough, I'd like some support. I feel quite lonely and depressed.