hard for parents

theonechickcagelle's picture

I have a question: Why is it so hard for some parents to accept the fact that their child is gay? I'm not talking about the narrow-minded homophobic parents. I'm talking about the open-minded, pro-gay rights parents. The ones who accept everyone else being gay but have a really hard time accepting their own child's sexuality. It's not the parents' issue, they're not the gay one, so why is it so difficult? Is it because they've built this image of their child getting married and leading life as a straight person, and now they have to throw that image away? Thoughts would be great, thanks!

Inkblot's picture

Good topic

I think it has something to do with human resistance to change. Nobody likes having to change their whole image of a person. That, and the fact that a lot of these people are theoretically okay with gay people, and they know and like gay people, but the concept of their own child being gay hits so close to home that they start to question what they did to make the kid gay, or something.

I hope that makes sense.

Do I shock you darling?
-Sally Bowles, Cabaret

whateversexual_llama's picture

Well, parents usually want

Well, parents usually want to have grandchildren... and also, they might be worried about what will happen to their kids in a homophobic world... and, well, parents worry about their kids' futures. They want their lives to be perfect... that's what parents do.

Be yourself. Because if you're busy being someone else, then who's gonna be you?

Disney's picture

I think it's a mix of the

I think it's a mix of the above two posts, but I think that the idea of some wrongness about homosexuality can always be found in people's minds, even if they are totally accepting and loving, the idea that gay = bad in some way may never totally be erased. And then after a while I bet a lot of parents can't wait to coddle a grandchild, or KNOW that they have a legacy. Actually, I think legacy/evolution is what takes precedence there, since no babies = no survival of the race, which definately isn't true now, but millions of years of evolution...

commander147's picture

There are certainly some

There are certainly some good ideas here, I think it does have alot to do with not liking change, and the image of their child growing up and getting married and living happily ever after. Depending on what generation they grew up in (my parents were in the 50s so...) the media has done a pretty good job of portraying gay relationships as unfullfilling.
I think its also a matter of living through their kids. Wanting the kid to do better at life then they did. And see that this is going to effect their kids life in hard ways.
Or .......maybe I just have a distorted view of parenting.......

Go to any quiet place and listen, and soon you will hear the voices of those who came before you. Long after we leave this place, our voices will echo in these halls.

patnelsonchilds's picture

I also agree that even the

I also agree that even the most accepting people tend to have a buried prejudice towards gays, so they're fine with the whole homo thing, as long as it's not their kid.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

oldfoxbob's picture

As a father I think I know the answer for you.

I am a father of three boys. Two adopted, one blood. Of the three one is str8. one is Bi, and the third has never really said that he is gay but he is. I tried to adopt this December but that , as you all know, fell thru when the mother changed her mind on the last day after the babv was born.
All parents feel the same...it cant happen to me but its ok to happen to you type of thought. All parents look forward to grand children and want the Genes carried on. They dont want the same thing to happen to their child as happend to them they want the better life for the child. The child should grow up to be a Dr or Lawyer or such. Not the laborer that the parent is. In a nutshell. When a child goes against the hope of the parent, even when the parent excepts various types of life styles, it is a blow to their hopes and dreams. They dont really hate the child for that decision, but resent the child going aginst the dream... They still do love the child, care for him/her and want the best for them. Still the hurt will show thru.
Genius is not a sign of intelligence, but rather
that of common sense.

frizzfro45's picture

I feel the same way, My

I feel the same way, My parents are fine with gay people, but since i like girls, they are in total denial. My mom thinks i am choosing this, doing this to prove a point, to be an underdog, to have a harder life. This is totally not true, it's who i am, it's what i am, it's me. My dad is just uncomfortable with it, sucks to be him. They say they support me, but they just don't like it. gotta love this kind of stuff don't ya? I am good at complaining, lol. Just, sorry, had to get it off my chest.

Fear- It drives our lives and makes us insane-it is the controling aspect of life

Siren Merchalle's picture

My family thinks I'm

My family thinks I'm experimenting and doesnt take it serously.

raining men's picture


People like their child to be like them. They love the whole carrying them on thing. If they turn out to be a different sexuality, they often think of them as a very different person

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suf-fer-ing"

dreamers imagine someday's picture

Sometimes I think parents

Sometimes I think parents are like that because in a way, having a LGBT kid can kill a dream, let's face it we have a long way before our parents can see us get married or even have kids.

V is the bomb, he blows with anarchy!!!

utter_insanity's picture


Well, my mom seems to be worried about my sexuality mostly because of the prejudice. She doesn't want me to have to deal with homophobia, so she seems to sort of...deny that I'm gay. It's strange, but it's true. She really cares about me, and she doesn't want me to have to tolerate the idiots who are against LGBT people. I don't know if any of this is true for any other parents, but maybe some of them don't really seem to accept their child's homosexuality because they don't want them to get hurt and/or discriminated against by prejudiced dorks. I don't think all parents think about just their "dreams" when they find out that their kid is gay. A lot of them probably think of how homosexuality is going to affect their child.

~~Gay and Here to Stay~~

deepspace87's picture

My parents where PERFECTLY

My parents where PERFECTLY fine with me being gay. they were like, we love u, its fine. then my sis started going off about these really hot actors the otehr day, so i started going off about really hot actresses, and my moms like, stop, thats wierd, let me get used to it. im like, i told u over the summer. how long do i need to give you??? do i need to come home with a girlfriend before you get over it???

"Never apologize for saying what you feel. It's like apologizing for being real."

-Ruby-'s picture


Yeah, im the oldest kid in my family. the parents always dreamed that i would grow up and marry a nice jewish boy. when my mom found out that i might not marry a jewish guy... might not even marry a GUY... she was pissed. she thought it was just a stage maybe and asked if i woud ever start liking guys again. sexuality is an uncomfortable topic in our house. i said, as you know i have dated several guys. i know what its all about. as of now, i have no desire to sleep with men, i never really did, and i cant imagine myself suddenly wanting that one day. i like girls, i connect physically with them, i feel comfortable with them, i enjoy being with them and this is who i am. apparently she is more accepting now