I have been a member of Oasis for something like 2 weeks and 4 days. I have spent years searching for this place where absolutly everybody could relate. Some place where I wouldn't have to deal with prejudice and homophobia. And then suddenly, I stumble upon this place that is everything I have ever dreamed about and much more. I love all of you who leave me comments on my posts. Having some place where I can write and speak my mind...it's like coming home, it's safe here. Finally finding this place I only dared to dream about in my wildest fantasies, is amazing.
I come from a home where I was always told it wasn't MY house, it was HIS house, that my place in it is negotiable. My mother, in knowing about my girlfriend, is delusional. Assumes that every part of my life is consumed by my gayness. Because I am just SOOOO GAY. I am involved in this sub-culture of being gay, seeing as I have no ethnical culture of my own. I was this child, born to these people who don't understand what love is like. My history ends there. They greet with 3 quick kisses at night, and fight constantly. Their acts of affection are out of necessity and habit. I don't know how people that stiff can commit the act that would bring a child into this world. They are my parents, and intimate moments, if they existed ever, do not occur. When I was little, on the weekends, they would tell me they were taking a nap together, and in my 10 year old mind, I thought, oh how cute, mommy and daddy are tired and want to be together. I'm 16 and that delusion lasted until about last March. I mean, my god. Eww. And it's not disgusting because they are my parents and the thought of the hetrosexual sex act grosses me out, its how innocent I was. I had this sweet little picture of marriage in my naive mind. Mommy and Daddy loved eachother and liked to wake up in each others arms, thats why they took "naps" together. Now, my girlfriend and I take naps together...and it's not so that nobody knows we're getting a little nookie...it's because we've been over dosing on nookie for the last 6 hours. But when we sleep, it is the sleep of people in love, we fall asleep in eachothers arms and wake up exactly where we fell asleep. Her and I are that naive picture I had in my mind. Everything I wanted and so much more. Things I could never find in a boy or even a man. She is that perfect partner and the person I will marry and continue to paint our queer picture with for the rest of my life. And I am young and things change, but the worst is over.
TOPIC CHANGE: I want to submit something for the Gay Like Me project, but having read some of the submissions in progress, I cannot write like that. These stories are fantastic and I have nothing that could ever measure up to them. Nothing that ever happened to me. My coming out was fairly easy. Unless I make it up, I have nothing. I could write a poem or submit a picture, but I feel like I have too much to say for that. I have to think about it...And set aside time for writing.