I think I am doubting myself

the ghost's picture

Well I am meeting up with my best friend in a couple of days, to pretty much just hang out together all day. I organised to meet up with her this week with the intention of coming out to her. But now I am scared and doubting myself. I really want to do it, but I'm scared shitless. I have felt ready for about the last month or so to just do it, but now that the time seems to be looming, I just feel un-easy.
It seems the reasons that I wanted to do it for, are also the ones that are scareing me now. I just want to be open and honest with her. I hate lieing to her. But once she knows its like the image she has of who I am now will be shattered. I am not sure of how she will take it, she has told me before that she doesn't really care if someone is gay "its just love".
I think I am just going to go for it and tell her despite my doubts at the minute... I don't want to be sitting here in 6 months time still mad at myself for being stuck here in the closet.
Ok so this entry is kind of a ramble, but if anyone has any advice on it, it would be appreciated.Thanks.


patnelsonchilds's picture

I think you pretty much said

I think you pretty much said it all yourself in this one sentence:

I don't want to be sitting here in 6 months time still mad at myself for being stuck here in the closet.

Things that offer the highest rewards usually entail the biggest risks. I believe that, with the sometime exception of parents, the risk is worth taking. Everyone has heard this before, but it's the truth: Friends who desert you when they find out who you really are are not friends. Once you're out, you're real friends will still be your friends, and others will come to replace those you lose, and in the end, you'll be free, and that's well worth the price of a few false friends.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

msquared's picture

Go for it, chika!

You can do it! Just like Granny Parker said on Spiderman, "There's a hero in all of us." Once you get it over with, you'll feel oodles better, sista. I have one little tid-bit of advice for you, too...bring a pen with just in case you get completely tongue-tied and are forced to write it down on a napkin or something. Then you'll have no excuse not to say it! Mwa haha!

Thanks for all your comments! 'Tis much appreciated, yo.

"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible." T.E. Lawrence

taste the rainbow's picture

I totally agree with what

I totally agree with what the others have said. Go for it, it's worth it.

"she has told me before that she doesn't really care if someone is gay "its just love"." From this line, atleast you already know that she isn't homophobic. IF she has a bad reaction, it probably just means that she needs some time to let it soak in. Good luck, I'm sure you'll do fine!

"What they don't know can't hurt them

but it sure as hell can hurt me"

Y - GuRl's picture

you'll be right

Hey it's normal to be shitting yourself at a time like this.. but you know it's definetely going to be worth it. Your friend sounds like she will be really understanding, I guess you're just nervous because it's a deep dark secret that you've gotta dig up and put out there. I agree with msquared, you might have to write it down if you can't spit it out (I ended up doing that). Remember the first time is always gonna be the hardest.. but you might as well get it over with! You'll be fine mate :] Keep us posted.

SilentBlue's picture

I feel the same way about

I feel the same way about the shattered image thing. I don't want peoples idea of me to change to "the lesbian". But if shes your best friend then she probably knows you well enough to not let this change her view of you......Keep it in your head that your going to tell her, no doubts! Just do it! Sounds like she will take it very well.