Siren Merchalle's picture

Screen Name: Siren Merchalle

Real Name: Sarah Bierman

Age 13

City/State: Novato California

Gender: female

Bio: I love who ever I love and chances are it will be a girl. I want to go on a adventure and write about it. While traveling the world of course. I am passionetly in love with the arts all of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially writing. I am out of the closet but then again I never really was in the closet.

My first kiss was with a girl I never met before. At a party I wasn't allowed to attend. Her name was Emma. She was dancing in her bra,hands above her head. Mouthing the words to the song that was playing. She was crazy and wild everything I wasn't allowd to be. I stood their staring at her. She smiled a devilish smile walking towards me she planted a kiss on my cheek. Whispering that I was adorable. But before anything could happen she was pulled away lost in the moving mass of untamed bodies. I turned around disapionted and pretened to have a good time. I flirted with drag queens and danced with dikes. I remember looking for her everywhere until I found dancing alone in a deserted corner. I asked her to dance but she just shook her head. I turned to go but she took my hand and turned me around and she kissed me. It was bitter sweet like dark chocolate. I'd been kissed but they had all been mistakes rehersals for this. People took pictures and shouted obseen comments. I spun out of control that night doing all the things that the responsible people in my life warned me against. But I didn't care I was on top of the world. I never saw her agian. it wasn't a budding romance or a first love. There was no spark no chemistry but it was important nontheless. It was a confimation that I am what I am and no one however opinated, powerful, persavsive can change that.

whateversexual_llama's picture

I really like this; the

I really like this; the writing style especially. It could use a little more in the way of formatting/editations, but that's for the editors. I feel like it could be fleshed out. Set the scene, paint a real picture of this girl. I mean, damn. She sounds hot. I want to read mroe about her. If you can't remember, make it up. Seriously. And explain more. Why weren't you allowed to attend the party? What was that kiss like? Don't just tell us about it. Show us. Put us in your body. There's so much I want to know... but this story really caught my attention. Kudos, and keep up the good work.

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

Siren Merchalle's picture

thanks it just the first

thanks it just the first draft I have to work on it some more. and i dont know much about the girl

whateversexual_llama's picture

It's okay if you don't

It's okay if you don't really remember what she looks like. I would seriously just paint the picture of the perfect girl. I know that we're supposed to be writing nonfiction here, but I seriously think you can lie a little. Or a lot. It's the emotion that matters. Make me want to kiss this girl.

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

patnelsonchilds's picture

Yes, a bit more set up for

Yes, a bit more set up for the story - more details about your oppressive situation, so that it'll have even more impact when you finally bust out and go wild here.

The style is great. I think you've definitely got the beginnings of a winner. It just needs to be added to.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"

Siren Merchalle's picture

I remember what she looked

I remember what she looked like. She had light brown hair with sutle blonde high lights in a boys cut. Her eyes were a sea green like a rum bottle. She wore glasses that had an intricate design on the side of the frame. She had a hook piercing in the middle of her lower lip. She had olive skin. She wore a black sports bra and a black pleated mini skirt. Her stomach was flat and her hips were wide. Her legs were long. I dont remeber her shoes I wasnt looking down. Oh and her tonge was long

whateversexual_llama's picture

So... *stops being able to

So... *stops being able to critique* *stutters for a moment, because the image of this girl is taking over brain*

*clears throat* So write that into the story. Take your time explaining it, go into agonizing detail. I want to be in absolute and utter shock from the beauty of this girl, portrayed through this story.

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

flugzeug712's picture

*licks lips* wow Operator!

*licks lips* wow

Operator! What's the number for 911?! ~ Dan Castellaneta

83.2%% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

ForeverEndedToday's picture

Really good, and that girl

Really good, and that girl sounds amazing. I hate being single.

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon

theonechickcagelle's picture

wow. i mean, wow. that's

wow. i mean, wow. that's really good. wow.

"It's like Dillinger once told me, 'It's always darkest just before they turn on the lights!'"