i don't what happened...well i do but right now i'm so confused about it that idk what the hell to do about it and whats gonna happen now. what happened? well okie, yesterday we camped at Bellows because today there was a Family Day kind of thing for my dads unit (he's in the air force) and so we stayed the night last night. And well i asked my friend Chas to come along but she couldn't go, so i ended up asking my ex (L, not D) and she was able to come.
in a way i kinda knew that it was a bad idea but we were still friends and i didn't think it'll be that much of a problem because we were pretty cool with eachother. so she came over to my house first, my dad had to drop the supplies at the campsite off first then came to get us, and we just hung out in my room while she was on my computer and stuffies. idk it was weird having her in my room and just us two alone, i had the need to just...kiss her and whatever would lead to after *ahem* yeah it was weird but nothing happened.
okie skipping the whole ride to campsite and getting set up 'cause nothing much happened...but okie we (well i decided to start it lol) started playing TRUTH, you know where you ask each other questions and ya gotta tell the truth...anybody play it? okie well yeah we started playing it and so it was pretty cool then it got riskier and got into questions about hooking up with exes and making out and all that JAZZ lol. well when we started drinking that was when i brought up a question and it kinda backfired and so i was stuck having to answer it too lol...and so it lead to me asking her "if she'd let me kiss her" and yeah. she let me but dammit...i was so into it and the lust was there..and we ended up having sex with eachother on the beach. yeap on the beach.
GOD I HAD SEX WITH MY EX!!! shiit and to make it worse, i slept next to her in the tent, which we shared with my three cousins. AHHH i'm really confused, it wasn't because i was drunk but because my emotions and needs are coming together and i can't tell them apart...and it hurts because i feel like i'm using her. she still likes me...or loves me and i hate knowing that.
i don't know what THE HELL TO DO!!!! like i told her before that happened that i didn't want a relationship and stuff but everyone (my cousins & friends) told me to tell her again just in case...well they don't know about the whole sex thing only the making out part. i think THAT made it worse...making out isn't too bad but damn having SEX with her is a whole other story. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
there's maybe a lil more details to this story but i'm tired and i'm in need of some alcohol..again, so i'm making this short and simple...idk what to do though.