Right now, somoene is reading this title.

Riku's picture

Sora slept over...

It was awful... At least for me. Mabye I'm making a big deal out of things because I'm on my period but... It certainly dosen't feel that way...

Okay, so, a few days ago, I sent her an e-mail asking her what she thought of the whole 'girlfriend' thing. Nobody's said anything about it for a month. It's sort of like, it never happened... And the whole time she's been slowly drifting away from me. And I haven't done anything to stop it... Because I'm scared... And.. Anyways, I asked her about it in the e-mail. She was on the Wii and using the internet to use Yahoo so I deleberatley avoided the tv while she was reading it. I know she read it because when I saw her at her inbox later it wasn't there.

But... She didn't say anything about it, and she didn't send a reply. (But I didn't know about the lack of reply until now.)

If that was all it was, I wouldn't be so upset...

I broke down last night, into a billion little peices. I hadden't gotten that upset before, everything just got to me at once, all the things that happened, and how I'll never be normal.

And then, I broke. Not physically, mentaly. And I started pacing around the room mumbling nosense to myself. It all made sense until it left my mouth. And Sora got frustrated with me and started watching TV in the other room. But not for long, because she came back and it just... She said the worst possible thing that she could have ever said...

She said that if I continued to carry on like that in the morning, she wouldn't be my friend anymore. Because her friends aren't stupid.

I didn't know words could hurt so much. I don't know if she meant it or not, but she was probably annoyed at me. I tried to hold it in... All last night I was apologizing for crying. But I couldn't. I started screaming, not at her. But at the world. I must have seemed so pathetic and stupid. And it must not have made sense to her what I was shouting. But nothing made sense anymore... It's like the connections, they weren't there. Just simple stuff. It's like it all broke.

She thought I was this upset over my mom and sister being in Florida, which wasn't really it. I told her that, but she dosen't know the whole story.

I think, later she was trying to make up for what she said earlier about not being my friend anymore... But it didn't help. I just...

Before we were good friends I was depressed all of the time... I'm not even sure why anymore. And if Sora ever stops talking to me... I'd... I don't know what I'd do. I'm so fragile... I hate it.

I'm about ready to give up on this "girlfriend" thing. It's not going anywhere and it just hurts. But I have to talk to Sora first and...

I just don't want to ruin our friendship. Even if she is a jerk sometimes.

Turns out, I have no control over my emotions. I hate it.

I still haven't given her her christmas present. It's not that I forgot. But I just freak out. I don't know why... I'm always afraid something bad will happen, but it's funny, the bad things only seem to happen when I'm not expecting it..

I'm sorry for going on like this... But I needed to tell somoene.

Comments

the ghost's picture

Awww

Don't apologise for being upset. Everyone cracks and gets upset sometimes..its normal, and you are normal!!So please don't think that you aren't. I think that maybe the best thing to do is talk to Sora about all the things you are feeling, when you are feeling calmer and like you can talk to her without feeling like you need to scream. Then maybe you can be open and honest with each other and be able to listen to each other.I hope you sort things out!!Hugz

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt