so basically this is why i'm so into her....

lookin to the future...'s picture

so lately i've been writing about the "thing" that's going on between my best friend and me.... we have both admitted feelings for each other..... but she is pursuing a guy for a lot of reasons (mostly because her family is not open to her being with me -- the guy is a great guy though so i'm totally fine with it ) but these emails just show why i am so into her.... she is the most honest, genuine person i have ever met.. she is so smart, so beautiful, sensitive, an amazing sense of humor, artistic, plays bass (umm... if that's not sexy i don't know what is) oh god i could go on forever.. it's a snow day so i'm going to get her in awhile and we are doing homework (that's what you do when you have 215474865 AP classes in your senior year) :)

the first email is from me addressing the fact that i can't go with her to trevor's (the boy she's into) concert cause my feelings would probably get in the way....

**just for reference, the girl lian that she talks about is an ex teammate that really had a thing for me (and i for her) but we never talked about it and things got really ugly in the end.

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> >hey,
> >so i thought about saturday night and didn't even get to asking my mom
> >cause i decided some stuff.... i would love to go to the bad city concert
> >and to the bball game with you but i can't do the quickdraw concert...
>let
> >me explain...
> >
> >you are more than free to call me selfish and be upset but for my own
> >emotions and sanity i really can't go with you.... i am really happy that
> >you're happy with the way things are going with trevor.... i know i tried
> >to explain this monday at starbucks but basically... i'm jealous of
>trevor,
> >jocelyn... i loved going with you last saturday... but seeing you with
> >trevor was hard on me emotionally whether i showed that or not.... i will
> >get used to it over time i'm sure but i just don't think i can go on
> >saturday and not be an emotional wreck... i guess i'm just a little
> >immature and can't handle this yet... it's just going to take me some
>time
> >to get used to this... i love seeing you happy and totally support you
>guys
> >being together... please know that... i just need a little time
> >
> >i hope you can understand... because you mean a lot to me
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>okay, so im not mad at you or anything, but i just kinda feel like a bitch
>for, first of all, putting you in that position, and second of all, making
>you feel that way. i know that's not what u meant, so don't bother
>rewording it again, that's just how i feel. and, here's my whole take on
>this.
>
>honestly, you were the person that made me have those questions in the back
>of my head. i love just about a gazillion things about you, but the thing
>is im totally not at the point where you are. Also, being a close friend
>and seeing the problems you had with Lian pretty much were rooted to the
>fact that she wasn't okay with herself and didn't want to admit it. So, i
>kind of feel that i'd be not necessarily leading you on, but just wouldn't
>have a very good ending if i tried anything because, like her, im just not
>comfortable with it...and don't even know if im 'meant to be' comfortable
>with it. That's why, for atleast right now, im taking this opportunity
>with
>trevor because he makes me happy too, and it seems a little bit more normal
>to me. Whether or not thats wrong or right, that's just basically why i
>haven't said anything about feelings for u, and have pursued him.
>
>i feel stuck in the middle, and whatever action i take is going to be
>wrong.
> truth is, your my best friend and dont want to lose you over a stupid
>boy.
> which, cuz i know you're more understanding than that, would never
>happen...but still makes me worried.
>
>the end.

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>what did i ever do to deserve a friend like you? you aren't losing me over
>a boy... i can promise you that...
>i completely understand where you are at... you aren't supposed to be where
>i'm at.... i can tell you this though... you are nothing like lian... you
>def are in the "i'm not sure what's going on here" phase but lian would
>never in a million years ever admit feelings for me... it takes a lot of
>guts just to say that... i appreciate your honesty... i don't feel like
>you're leading me on whatsoever... this stuff takes time to figure out..
>trevor would definitely be a much more normal relationship than me...that's
>for sure... this is what i can tell you... just do what makes you happy
>i'm not going anywhere buddy... boy or no boy :)
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YAY! n i don't even know what's going on with trev either. im just really
playing things by ear...i don't need a relationship, and who knows if i'd
even have time with my crazy school schedule. So, just know im not like
choosing one over the other. You were here first, and hoes go before bros
in this case fosho.

Comments

ForeverEndedToday's picture

I agree people who play bass

I agree people who play bass are amazing.

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon

taste the rainbow's picture

She sounds like a great

She sounds like a great girl, and I think you're handeling this great :)

"What they don't know can't hurt them

but it sure as hell can hurt me"