God i must suck. Aside from maybe a couple of posts about some weird ass shit happening to me, all i ever post about is mostly how depressed i am about my ex D. why is that? fuck just like i told my friend not too long ago...i still love her, she's like the only one that can hurt me but also make me happy at the same time, plus like i also told my friend....she was the only one i went out with that i actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with. sigh and i swear GIRLS are so DAMN CONFUSING!!!
my other ex, L, god the other night she "confessed" her love for me and all that crap (she was drunk)...fuck and she wanted to go out with me again. but i don't see her like that anymore...i finally learn my lesson that you DO NOT EVER drink or go camping with any exes, it will lead to something which will end up as a big ass misunderstanding. it sucks though 'cause i don't like hurting people but i think it'd be much worse if i went out with her just to make HER happy and have to act...that is much worse.
ugh...well the only reason why i'm like this...is because i saw D yesterday when she came to pick up the money for the cell phone bill and she stuck around to talk, asking me questions and such...i couldn't even look directly at her 'cause i would've broken down. plus she wanted a hug and...GOD that was so hard for me, i miss her so much...fuck fuck fuck. idk if only she knew, not like she'd care 'cause she has like...fucking tons of girls drooling over her anyways. i'm just another girl that she went out with. *tear*
idk what to do honestly. i've been so depressed, i have an eating disorder, i'm drinking again, i cut...fuck i don't even get much sleep. i'm just so fed up with everything...this smile one my face that everyone sees? it's just there to show that nothings wrong.
ah shit. well imma go now. maybe i'll actually get some sleep tnight...idk it's already 12...sigh. whatever.