This sucks...being gay shouldn't have to affect my sister

utter_insanity's picture

As some of you know, I lost a sketchbook earlier, in which I wrote that I'm gay. Thankfully, I've found it now.

The thing is, I found out last Tuesday that someone read it and blabbed. Just like I was afraid of. People were asking me questions about whether I was gay or not. I nervously avoided them without confirming or denying that I was straight.

Then I got sick with a virus Wednesday. I couldn't have been more grateful for the timing. I was sick Thursday and Friday, too, so I wasn't able to judge people's reactions properly.

The thing is, I wanted to come out. I wanted to answer, "Yes, I'm gay" if someone asked me about my sexuality again. I was sick of hiding. I wanted out of the closet.

But when I asked my sister, who is a year younger than me and who I am out to and talk to about my 'gay' problems, about it, she didn't want me to come out. When I asked her why, she explained that if I tell people that I'm gay, it's probably going to spread all around the school. And since my sister goes to the same school as me, she would probably be teased by other kids in her classes. "Your sister's gay??? That's so weird!" they would jeer. My sister isn't exactly a popular kid, and if people knew that her older sibling is gay, it wouldn't exactly raise her social status.

This is such B.S.! My sexuality shouldn't have to affect what people think about my sister. But now that I consider it, it does, whether I want it to or not.

So on Sunday night, I decided not to come out. I just can't do that to my sister. She may be as annoying as heck at times, but I still love her anyway, and as long as she's going to the same school as me, I can't do this to her, at least not until she feels more secure about herself.

When I arrived at school today, nobody mentioned the rumor. It had completely blown over while I was sick Wednesday through Friday. I don't know about you, but I just think that gossiping is absolutely f***ing amazing. Here I was, worrying so much about this rumor, and it blew over within five days (counting the weekend).

It's times like these when I hate the stupid, homophobic world and the fact that I have to live in it. I wish that I could have chosen the world I was born into or something. That would have been nice.

Comments

alya's picture

nothing iz real john

nothing iz real
john lennon
DOnt FUCKING LISTEN TO YOUR SISTER, no one should tell you not to come out if you want to come out you should, its hard but its worth it, dont let selficous bs like that drag you down. Sorry if i came off a little to strong.

Y - GuRl's picture

be out if you want

Ultimately it's your choice if you wanna come out or not. It's not fair for you to have to stay in the closet to protect your little sister.. she shouldn't have to be ashamed to let her little close minded friends know that her sister is gay. They'll eventually get over it especially if you and your sister are strong and don't give a shit what they say. But that's just my two cents..

poissonrouges's picture

Ok, my take on the situation

Ok, my take on the situation is that a slightly unexpected outing made you think "Fuck it, if they're going to out me..." etc But that's just my opinion, bc that's how I would have reacted.
If you want to come out, I would be really mentally prepared for the results. Maybe you should talk to your sister about it again and see if she becomes more comfortable with the idea. My suggestion (this is going to sound really corny, but I swear it works in most cases) is to imagine possible responses to your comingout and then think how you would react to them vs how you want to react to them. This should give you a pretty good idea if your ready or not.
I am with the other commentors that it is ultimately your choice of whether or not you do it. So just think about it. ; )
I mean, at my school I thought the kids would flip (suburban community & v. conservative families), but most people seemed ok with it and I guess those who weren't just gossiped with their friends. Honestly, that happens eveywhere. Not going to lie to you. So don't expect all negative responses I got plenty of good ones and met people in my school like me.
Much luck with whatever you decide to do.

peanut_gallery's picture

Huh

It's good that it blew over, but this stress over being outed is obviously not good.

But, uh, your sister shouldn't really affect your coming out. I mean, she should, but ultimately it's your decision. Just sayin'. I don't have a sister, so I guess I might not know. It's cool that you're looking out for her though.

And why would they taunt her in the first place? I mean, most people I know don't care. It feels like a big deal, I know, but honestly... maybe it's not. Just sayin'.

=D

Sidera cadentia somnos suadent.
(Aeneid 2.9)

Hyacinthus's picture

Well

I can see where your sister may be coming from...but honestly I don't see how it would really do that much. I mean I have a little sis too and I feared things like that happening to her when I came out, but at least in my case they didn't. I think you need to do what is right for you, and if anyone does give her shit you can just get them written up for hate speech or defamation. But that's just me.

"Persuasive speech, and more persuasive sighs,
Silence that spoke, and eloquence of eyes."
- The Iliad (bk. XX, l. 315), (Bryant's translation)

patnelsonchilds's picture

There is a middle ground

There is a middle ground here. You could just come out to your friends, if you haven't already. I mean, it's not really necessary to make a Public Service Announcement at assembly. Just start by letting those people in who can keep a secret for you and over time let it slowly come out more and more. Chances are that by the time the more idiotic of your schoolmates catch wind of it, it'll already be old news to most people.

I think it's nice that you are being considerate of your sister, but I don't think she really understands what she's asking of you.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"
http://www.patnelsonchilds.com
http://www.amazon.com/shops/patnelsonchilds