Two Poems : Gay-Like-Me

Uncertain's picture

Hey guys, meh I haven't really been checking out Oasis much lately... I just found out about this gay-like-me project tonight and I'm really hyped about it Lol... Here are two poems I wrote a few months back that I hope I could polish up from people's feedback before I submit them. So any comments welcome ^^

Oh also, are we allowed to recommend other people's work on the site? But I dno if they are still active or not. And another thing, what are the details and things we have to submit along with the work?

First Name: Max
Oasis Name: Uncertain
Age: 15
Town & City: Auckland, New Zealand
Gender: Male
Bio Paragraph: I'm 15 and homestays with a foster family in Auckland. I love literature and has a passion for debating and public speaking (I like the attention). I am outed at school "by accident" which actually made things better. Okay I'll shut up my life is so boring lol.

Poem 1:

Born to this Stage

Before I know,
The curtains rose;
I'm on this stage,
Which I never chose.

No one applauds,
I seemed forgotten;
I was never given the script,
Only to stand looking rotten.

Then I see everyone,
People I know;
The ones that I eye everyday,
But they seem so cold.

There are people fighting,
About what I've become;
Fighting about the past,
About what they could've done.

I opened my mouth wide,
Something came out;
It was a lie,
Behind a masked, conniving shout.

I thought I could've done better,
But this was it;
I played my part on stage,
Not what I wanted I admit.

Now everyone is happy
Everyone but myself
The audience begun clapping,
For something I'm not.

Poem 2:

This May be a War…

The skies rain shells of pain,
Cannons sound in the distant background;
I'm not ready to come out of this protected but lonesome shelter,
Every time I make my step I decide to turn around.

I peek out of this hole,
Seeing bullets ricochet off the soldiers wearing thick denim;
I'm scared, we're outnumbered,
I could be the next one dead after him.

This trench stinks,
It's so uncomfortable;
There must be something out there,
Something unimaginable.

I cock my gun and dig up my courage,
I tell my comrade I'm ready;
He pants briskly,
He says it's not going to be easy.

The whistle sounds,
Many charged out of their holes,
I looked back;
Seeing those hiding - still unsure of their souls.

I glance over the border,
I saw people - my family, classmates and few of my friends;
They are firing at us,
They want this to end.

Ferociously provoked,
I arm my weapons;
I try to pull the trigger,
But something tells me - there are better reasons.

Observing my companions,
No one was shooting;
We are slowly crossing the barrier,
With many of us dying.

Something struck my head,
It wasn't a bullet;
It was a thought,
That deserved great merit.

Our enemies are under oath,
From a panicking authority;
We see our friends, family and those we love obey blindly,
But I know I still love all of them - yes indeed.

whateversexual_llama's picture

I like these... the way that

I like these... the way that it's totally about gayness, but so metaphorically. I'm into metaphores. Some of the meter is a little off, but that can be fixed by the editors. Great job! These are some of my favorite pieces that've been written so far.

Whatever I did, I didn't do it.

Uncertain's picture

Glad you like it ^^ Looks

Glad you like it ^^ Looks like I found someone who likes metaphors too. It's just that sometimes people won't get it unless you explain it to them =\ But I hate telling stuff directly so I try to show them instead. Newayz thanks

the mouse that roared's picture

I like the metaphors, too.

I think you could go even farther with them. If you get rid of slang like coming out, and have more showing of emotions than telling, the metaphor becomes even more powerful.

I like your writing a lot, though. I don't know if you want to write another poem, but seeing what you've done with these more mainstream comparisons (war, the stage), it would be so cool to see what could happen with a more out-there metaphor. Is coming out like making a phone call to a stranger? Questioning like shoe shopping? I don't know. But considering you like metaphors and how good your first poems were, I think you could really take off with creative ideas.

No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless; there is too much work to do.--Dorothy Day

Uncertain's picture

lol shoe shopping! I had an

lol shoe shopping! I had an idea for that... it's true! But it's like so retarded lmao

love__x's picture

wow.

I love the first one, i love the second one two, but the first one was so... so... amazing, i love poetry, you have a great talent. these are so beautiful.

raining men's picture

Nice

Liked the first one a lot, and the second half of the second poem. The references the shells and trenches and triggers don't work so well, the references seem too specific. Keep it more general as you do later on, like bullets and borders. Because the second half kicks ass

Washing machines live longer with calgon