ugh.... just be with me!!

lookin to the future...'s picture

so i went to an AMAZING show with my best friend/crush tonight. just local seattle/tacoma bands but they were awesome :)

anyways, getting to the point of things: my crush admitted to me last month that she didn't think she was straight.... she didn't want to call herself bi either but she def. admitted an attraction to girls. anyways this got my hopes up......

she has been flirting HARDCORE for a couple of weeks now... only issue is that she has a great guy she still seems to be interested in.. he's the lead singer for one of the bands we heard tonight.... he's a great guy who i think would treat her well... but i want to be with her so bad.... she's pretty much amazing! :)

the whole way home tonight she kept asking me what i thought about him and whether they should be together... with my feelings for her (which she doesn't know i have) it was very hard not just to yell at her and tell her to ditch his ass for me.... ugh!!!

the truth is that i think she would totally be with me it's just that she comes from a SUPER and i mean SUPER DUPER conservative christian family (from south carolina if that tells you anything) that has told her multiple times if she came out they would disown her.... she is terrified of letting her family done because she lost her brother to a really icky heart condition two years ago... she is the only child in the family left and so of course she is going to want to make them happy....

i just feel so god damned horrible for her... she took me to dinner on thursday night and her exact words to me were "i would rather live the rest of my life in complete misery with a man than have my family be disappointed in me"... oh my gosh.... why is life like this? why are people so harsh..... why can't parents accept their children for who they are? how hard can it really be?

Comments

patnelsonchilds's picture

It's so sad that there are

It's so sad that there are people out there that love their children only on the condition that do what they want. Those who don't have this problem, like me, can never truly understand it, but it makes me sad all the same. I think that it's wonderful that you are being so selfless. At some point, perhaps you'll decide to share your feelings with her. If not, than just continue showing them by putting her happiness before your own. That is the sign of true love.

- Pat Nelson Childs
"bringing strong gay
characters to Sci-Fi & Fantasy"
http://www.patnelsonchilds.com
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hellonwheels's picture

deep...

Jordin, that really sucks...although I can totally see your crushes side of things. If she is the only child left, it seems perfectly natural that she wouldn't want to come out to her parents as questioning or bi...it would just add more pain/ tension/ grief to the family situation...but that does just show how fucked up our society is. Sorry she is playing games with you...that sucks. Just curious, but what were the bands that u guys went to see?

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

hellonwheels's picture

deep...

Jordin, that really sucks...although I can totally see your crushes side of things. If she is the only child left, it seems perfectly natural that she wouldn't want to come out to her parents as questioning or bi...it would just add more pain/ tension/ grief to the family situation...but that does just show how fucked up our society is. Sorry she is playing games with you...that sucks. Just curious, but what were the bands that u guys went to see?

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman