Am I just desperate?

nmc's picture

Im sorry if this is confusing.

Ive liked this girl for 3 years but 8 months ago we started dating. ironically, it was about the same time her and her boyfriend started dating. at first our relationship wasnt official. we didnt recognize the day we started going out until about 4 months later. but i would say we're pretty serious. sad thing is, her relationship with her boyfriend is just as serious if not more. i think im putting a lot of effort into our relationship. but basically its just late night phone calls and online conversations. we never see eachother at school and we havent hung out in weeks. i miss her a lot and honestly i would do anything just to see her. i always ask her to hang out with me but its always the same response "i have work" or "i already have plans." but her plans are always with her boyfriend. every spare moment she gets, she spends it with him. and when i ask her to hang out once for like an hour, she cant. she cant take an hour out of her time to just go to dinner with me. am i just insane? am i just that self obsorbed? i havent seen her in a really long time, but whenever i talk to her, she never seems to care about it as much as i do. when she cares about something, shes passionate about it. i just feel like her passion with him is overriding her passion for me. i understand the fact that she loves him. its a hard concept to grab, but i can handle that now. its just i, dont want him to get in the way of her and i. not as much as he does. i see her once every month basically and he sees her every day. am i just really jealous? i have no idea what to do. im sorry if you read this because i really cant put everything into words. i just dont know what i should do. i do talk to her. and i do let her know how much i miss her. but to her im just complaining about how i never see her. i mean i just dont think its fair. she doesnt know how to ballance out her life very well. i love her and i would do anything for her. but i feel like im losing her.

the ghost's picture


This seems that this releationship is very one sided.From what you have said it seems that you do all the running around after her,and not get a lot in return.It seems her releationship with her boyfriend is more important to her.
I don't think that you are being jealous,everyone deserves better than that.I think the best thing you can do is,have a chat to her and tell her how you feel.If nothing changes I would say it is time for you to move on,because even though you love her,its not fair to yourself to stay in this releationship.Good luck.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent-Eleanor Roosevelt

jeff's picture


Sounds like she has the best of both worlds here, and you get to sit around and wait for the brief moments where she cares about you.

I'm not sure what is actually "serious" about the relaitonship, if only one side is taking it seriously.

You'd be better off giving all of the positive effort and your love to someone worthy of it, and that returns it. And the down-side of one-sided relationships is that only one side gets hurt when they end, but use that knowledge as a catalyst to heal. Just remember that you weren't an equal in this relationship, and that you deserve more. You don't need to fight for time on her calendar if she's the right girl.

And, I personally never buy into that bisexuals get to date two people simultaneously. I'm boring and old-fashioned, and pretty much want to date someone who is only dating me. They can be bisexual, that's fine. But bisexuality is not an excuse for non-monogamy (unless you have an open relationship and both sides are cool with it. I wouldn't be.)

So, my advice would be to end the relationship, only... there doesn't seem much to end except the notion that you're in a relationship. It probably won't be too dramatic. You stop calling her, and your phone probably won't ring. You stop asking her for time, and she probably won't start offering it on her own.

And, if she ever comes around, you'll be with someone who treats you like a loving equal by then. She's had three years to fall for you. No need making it four.


"Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there." -- Josh Billings.

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andyouwillknowmebythesoundofmyname's picture

I was in the same spot, sort of last semester

Have you thought about joining a new school club or something?
It will give you a chance to meet new people, new people that may reciprocate your feelings more than she is right now.

I decided to take a peek in the closet.
What a suprise to find myself hiding inside!