Being out isn't a bed of roses

utter_insanity's picture

After being outed, I've met my first homophobic bitch. I'll call her "Nelly" on here. She literally judges books by their covers!

In science class yesterday, she noticed this comic book that I had brought to school and was reading. (Yes, I still read comic books. Shut up.) On the front cover, there was a picture of a man holding the body of the woman he loves. (The woman had just died in that comic book. Here's a link showing the image on the cover: She looked at it and said, "This book's gay." When I asked her why the heck she thought that, she said, "Look at that." and pointed to the woman's chest.

I thought, "So??? Just because this girl isn't exactly a B-cup doesn't mean that this book is ‘gay’!"

A boy I know who is part of the "in" crowd explained that Nelly didn't mean "gay" in the homosexual sense. She just meant “gay” as in: she thinks my comic book is stupid. Yeah, like that's any better. Honestly, I never thought I’d meet a person who literally, I repeat, literally, judges a book by its cover!

This girl, who has also been harassing me about my sexuality, also asked me embarrassing questions about my *cough* relationship with my friend H, who I hang out with all the time. She tried to phrase them so that they didn't sound too nosy, but she failed. "Are you and H just friends, or are you best friends?" "You should tell H about you, you know. Who knows, maybe she's the same way." Why doesn't she get it?? I don't want any kind of more-than-friends relationship with H! She's just a friend, nothing more. But for some reason, my friend H really sets off most people's gaydar. (Heck, when I was just getting to know her I detected her on mine, too.) She's pretty much asexual, but people think she's a lesbian because she never talks about guys, is sort of menacing, and because of many other reasons that I have no idea of. People who don't know her that well feel sort of a gay vibe off of her or something, I guess.

Even if H was gay, I wouldn't want to date her! Like I said, she's just a friend. But for some reason, prejudiced idiots like Nelly see two supposedly gay people who are friends and assume that they're so desperate for a date that they'll enter a romantic relationship as soon as they get to know each other. Good grief. I feel like Charlie Brown here. It's as though no matter what happens, there's always a proverbial Lucy to toss a Football of Homophobia at me.

That same day, a guy called M who I personally don't like much started talking to me while we were at our lockers. He asked me about my sketchbook, in which I wrote that I'm gay. I lost it a few weeks ago, and somebody read it and blabbed to the whole school, which was how I was outed. The conversations went something like this:

M: Utter_Insanity, I've been hearing things.
Me: Wow, you're not deaf?
M: No, I mean things about you.
Me: Cool.
M: Do you have a little black book?
Me: Do you mean a black book where I write down all of my misdeeds? I've heard of those.
M: No.

He just shut up after that.

M is one of the people I absolutely do not want to talk to about my sexuality. I don't want to talk to him about my love life at all. That's why I was avoiding the topic during that conversation. I don't particularly care for him, and I don't want to talk to him and have to answer the questions that I know he'll ask. I feel kind of bad about this, but I just don’t feel comfortable with it, and I’d rather not do it at all.

Today when I was in the hall after school, someone behind me shouted, "Hey, lesbian!" I ignored them. I didn't even turn around to see who it was. I half wish I had, though. Then I would definitely know which one of my stupid classmates said that. I stopped to get a drink of water, and I saw a guy who had been walking behind me pass by. The guy was M. I think it was him who shouted at me; after all, I had gotten out late from my classroom. There couldn't have been that many people behind me, and the guy who shouted at me couldn't have gone far. I'm trying not to judge M too much, but the circumstances look incriminating.

I haven't even confirmed that the rumor about my sexuality is true to half of my friends yet, and yet I'm already being shouted at by people I barely know! I'm okay with the fact that I was outed and all, but I still think that these people who are making a big deal out of this should just get over it. I’m gay. So what? It’s none of their business who I’m dating anyways. It’s none of their business who anybody else is dating, whether they’re straight, gay, or bi. Why does being gay have to matter so much anyways? It’s kind of silly, really.


Duncan's picture

People are assholes. I think

People are assholes. I think if M did it, he'll prolly do it again. ... And that's when you get your friend H to kick both his ass and the other chicks ass, too. But that's just what I'd do.

dykehalo's picture

People are asses but just

People are asses but just know that you're not alone. My friends and i are getting yelled at and questioned most days. It's kinda gotten better. Once they get over he initial newness/excitment of it there will be less yelling and questions. And if you don't want to talk about it don't. You have a right to keep things to yourself.

msquared's picture

Life's no Cabaret!

Even though it may be hard sometimes, the best thing to do is to be the bigger person and just shrug it all off. Bitches definitely don't deserve your attention. Hang in there, kiddo.

“Never forget! The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly.”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

deepspace87's picture

i agree with msquared. just

i agree with msquared. just stand up and be proud of the person you are. dont pick a fight with anyone over it, dont start a big deal about it if u dont want it to be a big deal. but do stand up for urself, cause otherwise ur no better than anyone else. be proud of the person u are, and dont deny it, stand up for yourself. hang in there. i know what ur going through

"Never apologize for saying what you feel. It's like apologizing for being real."